^r^Tp^g?     ^■' 


%. 


The  Characters  of 
Theophrastus 

A  'Translation^  with  Introduction 

By 

Charles  E.  Bennett 

and 

William  A.  Hammond 

Professors  in  Cornell  University 


Longmans,  Green,  and   Co. 

91  and  93  Fifth  Avenue,  New  York 

London  and  Bombay 

1902 


Copyright y  igo2,  by  /  ^^^y 

Longmans,  Green,  and  Co. 


All  rights  reserved 


EDUC. 

PSYCH. 

LIBRARY 


[October,    1902] 


Tht   Univtrsity    Priss 
Cambridge^    U.  S.  A. 


ro 

THOMAS  DAT  SEYMOUR 

In  Profound  Esteem 


Preface 


THIS  translation  of  The  Char- 
acters of  Theophrastus  is  in- 
tended not  for  the  narrow 
circle  of  classical  philologists,  but  for 
the  larger  body  of  cultivated  persons 
who  have  an  interest  in  the  past. 

Within  the  last  century  only  three 
English  translations  o^'The  Characters 
have  appeared;  one  by  Howell  (Lon- 
don, 1824),  another  by  Isaac  Taylor 
(London,  1836),  the  third  by  Pro- 
fessor Jebb  (London,  1870).  All  of 
these  have  long  been  out  of  print,  a 
fact  that  seemed  to  justify  the  prep- 
aration of  the  present  work. 


Preface 


The  text  followed  has  been,  in  the 
main,  that  of  the  edition  published 
in  1897  by  the  Leipziger  Philolo- 
gische  Gesellschaft,  A  few  coarse 
passages  have  been  omitted,  and 
occasionally  a  phrase  necessary  to 
the  understanding  of  the  context  has 
been  inserted.  Apart  from  this  the 
translators  have  aimed  to  render  the 
original  with  as  much  precision  and 
fidelity  as  is  consistent  with  English 
idiom. 

Charles  E.   Bennett. 

William  A.   Hammond. 

Ithaca,  N.Y., 

August,  1902. 


VIU 


Contents 


Page 

Introduction xl 

Epistle  Dedicatory i 

The  Dissembler  (l.y^ 4 

The  Flatterer  (II.) 7 

The  Coward  (XXV.) ii 

The  Over-zealous  Man  (IV.)     ...  14 

The  Tactless  Man  (XII.)      ....  16 

The  Shameless  Man  (IX.)      ....  18 

The  Newsmonger  (VIII.) 21 

The  Mean  Man  (X.) 24 

The  Stupid  Man  (XIV.) 27 

The  Surly  Man  (XV.) 29 

The  Superstitious  Man  (XVI.)  ...  31 

The  Thankless  Man  (XVII.)      ...  35 

The  Suspicious  Man    (XVIII.)     ...  37 

^  Numerals  in  parenthesis  give  the  corresponding  numbers 
of  the  characters  as  published  in  the  edition  of  the  Leipziger 
Philologische  Gesellschaft. 

ix 


Contents 

Page 

The  Disagreeable  Man  (XX.)     ...  39 

The  Exquisite  (XXI.) 41 

The  Garrulous  Man  (III.)    ....  46 

The  Bore  (VII.) 48 

The  Rough  (VI.) 51 

The  Affable  Man  (V.) 54 

The  Impudent  Man  (XL)       ....  56 

The  Gross  Man  (XIX.) 58 

The  Boor  (IV.) 60 

The  Penurious  Man  (XXII.)      ...  63 

The  Pompous  Man  (XXIV.)  ....  66 

The  Braggart  (XXIII.) 68 

The  Oligarch  (XXVI.) 71 

The  Backbiter  (XXVIII.)       ....  74 

The  Avaricious  Man  (XXX.)     ...  77 

The  Late  Learner  (XXVII.)       ...  81 

The  Vicious  Man  (XXIX.)    ....  84 


Introduction 

"XT  THAT  stories  are  new?" 
^^     asks    Thackeray,    subtle 
•    "       observer  of  men.  . 

"  All  types  of  all  characters  uity  of  ^^ 
march  through  all  fables  :  Modern 
tremblers  and  boasters  ;  vie-  ^^^«^'^''- 
tims  and  bullies  ;  dupes  and 
knaves  ;  long-eared  Neddies,  giving 
themselves  leonine  airs ;  TartufFes 
wearing  virtuous  clothing;  lovers 
and  their  trials,  their  blindness,  their 
folly  and  constancy.  With  the  very 
first  page  of  the  human  story  do  not 
love,  and  lies  too,  begin  ?  So  the 
tales  were  told  ages  before  ^sop  ; 
and  asses  under  lions'  manes  roared 
in  Hebrew  ;  and  sly  foxes  flattered 
in  Etruscan  ;  and  wolves  in  sheep's 
clothing  gnashed  their  teeth  in  San- 
scrit, no  doubt.  The  sun  shines 
xi 


Introduction 


to-day  as  he  did  when  he  first  began 
shining;  and  the  birds  in  the  tree 
overhead,  while  I  am  writing,  sing 
very  much  the  same  note  they  have 
sung  ever  since  there  were  finches. 
There  may  be  nothing  new  under 
and  including  the  sun  ;  but  it  looks 
fresh  every  morning,  and  we  rise 
with  it  to  toil,  hope,  scheme,  laugh, 
struggle,  love,  suffer,  until  the  night 
comes  and  quiet.  And  then  will 
wake  Morrow  and  the  eyes  that  look 
on  it;  and  so  da  capoTh  All  this  is 
very  true  ;  the  changes  which  may  be 
observed  in  human  nature  are  small, 
and  the  old  types  of  Theophrastus 
are  all  about  us  nowadays  and  really 
look  and  act  much  the  same  as  they 
did  to  the  eyes  of  the  ancient  Peri- 
patetic. Offices  and  institutions  have 
somewhat  changed,  and  many  char- 
acter-types due  to  new  vocations 
have  come  into  being  since  then, 
e,g,  the  newsboy,  the  bishop,  the 
reporter,  the  hotel-clerk,  and  the 
xii 


Introduction 


jockey.     But  these  are  only  accidents 
of  civilization,  and  the  peculiarities 

of  office  or  the  type  of  pro-   Accidental 

fessional  character  do  not  and  Essen- 
touch,  the  vital  essence  of  '^'""^  '^^^^ 
human  nature,  although  they  may 
modify  its  expression. 
When  one  speaks  of  a  coward,  one 
means  an  intrinsic  quality  in  human 
kind  which  is  essentially  the  same 
whether  found  in  a  hoplite  or  in  a 
modern  infantryman,  but  which  may 
express  itself  differently  in  the  two 
cases.  The  types  described  by  The- 
ophrastus  are  types  of  such  intrinsic 
qualities,  and  his  pictures  of  ancient 
vices  and  weaknesses  show  men 
much  as  we  see  them  now.  They 
are  not  merely  types  of  professions 
or  callings. 

Apart  from  slight  variations  similarity 
of  local  coloring  and  institu-   creeland 
tions,  the  descriptions  of  the  Modern 
old  Greek  philosopher  might   "^yP^^ 
apply  almost  as  well  to  the  present 
xiii 


Introduction 


inhabitants  of  London  or  Boston  as 
to  the  Athenians  of  300  b.c.  Then, 
as  now,  the  flatterer  plied  his  wily 
trade, indulging  in  smooth  compliment 
of  his  hero's  person  or  actions.  "  As# 
he  walks  with  an  acquaintance,  he 
says :    *  Behold  !    How  the  eyes  of 

all    men    are    turned    upon 
Flatterer    Y^^  '     There  is   not  a  man 

in  the  city  who  enjoys  so 
much  notice  as  yourself.  Yesterday 
your  praises  were  the  talk  of  the 
Porch.  While  above  thirty  men 
were  sitting  there  together  and  the 
conversation  fell  upon  the  topic : 
"  Who  is  our  noblest  citizen  ?  "  they 
all  began  and  ended  with  your 
name.'  "  "  If  his  friend  essay  a  jest, 
the  flatterer  laughs  and  stuffs  his^ 
sleeve  into  his  mouth  as  though  he| 
could  not  contain  himself."  But 
the  flatterer  of  old  could  be  subtle 
too.  "  He  buys  apples  and  pears, 
carries  them  to  his  hero's  house,  and 
gives  them  to  the  children,  and  in 
xiv 


Introduction 


the  presence  of  their  father  he  kisses 
them,  exclaiming  :  '  Chips  of  the  old 
block!***     and    "while    his    talk    is 
directed  to  others  in  the   company, 
his  eye  is  ever  fixed  upon  his  hero.**  " 
Then  as  now  there  existed  the  offi-  W 
cious     man,     always     over-ready    to 
undertake  the  impossible  or 
to    interfere    in    the    affairs  ]i'u?Man 
of  others.     "  At  a  banquet, 
he  forces  the  servants  to  mix  more  ^ 
wine  than  the  guests  can  drink.     If 
he    sees    two    men   in  a  quarrel,    he 
rushes  in  between,  even  though  he 
knows  neither  one.**     "  If  the  doc- 
tor leave   instructions  that  no  wine 
be  given  the  patient,  he  administers 
'just  a  little,*    on  the  plea  that    he 
wants  to  set  the  sufferer  right.'* 
There  existed,  of  course,  then  as  now, 
the  tactless   person,  who  "  selects    a 
man's    busiest    hour    for    a  The  Tact- 
lengthy  conference,  and  who  ^^^^  ^^" 
sings    love    ditties  under   his  sweet- 
heart's   window  as   she  lies  ill  of  a 

XV 


Introduction 


fever."     "  At  a  wedding,  he  declaims 
against     womankind,    and    when    a 
friend  has  just  finished  a  journey,  he^ 
invites  him  to  go  for  a  walk."     "  If 
he  happens  to  be  standing  by  when 
a  slave  is  flogged,  he  tells  the  story 
of  how  he  once  flogged  a  slave  of  his, 
who  then  went  and  hanged  himself." 
There  was  the  mean  man,  too,  who,  • 
if  his  servant  broke  a  pot  or  plate,  • 
The  Mean  deducted  its  value  from  the 
^^»  poor  fellow's  rations.     "  He  , 

permits  no  one  to  take  a  fig  from  his 
garden  or  cross  his  field,  or  even  to  * 
pick  up  windfalls  under  his  fruit 
trees.  He  forbids  his  wife  to  lend 
salt  or  lamp-wicks  or  a  pinch  of  cum- 
min, marjoram,  or  meal,  observing 
that  these  trifles  make  a  large  sum 
in  a  year." 

There  was  also  the  thankless  man 
whose  pessimism  is  so  gloomy  as  to 
The  Thank-  cloud  all  view  of  his  bless- 
less  Man  ings.  "  When  a  friend ; 
has  sent  him  something  from  his 
xvi 


Introduction 


table,  he  says  to  the  servant  who 
brings  it :  '  He  grudged  me  a  dish 
of  soup  and  a  cup  of  wine,  I  sup- 
pose, and  so  couldn't  invite  me  tojr 
dinner/  "  "  If  he  secures  a  slave  at 
a  bargain  after  long  dickering  with 
the  owner,  he  says :  '  I  imagine  I 
have  n't  got  much  at  this  price/ 
And  to  the  person  who  brings  him 
the  glad  tidings  that  a  son  is  born  to 
him,  he  retorts,  '  If  you  only  add : 
"And  half  your  fortune's  gone," 
you  '11  hit  it.'  " 

Then  we  have  the  man  who  is  osten-* 
tatious  in  trivial  things.  "  When  he  • 
has    sacrificed     an    ox,     he  Fetty  , 

winds    the  head  and    horns  vanity 
with  fillets,  and  nails  them  up,  oppo- 
site   the    entrance    of    his    house." 
"  When  he  parades  with  the  cavalry 
he  gives  all  his  accoutrements  to  his    . 
squire  to  carry  home,  and  throwing 
back  his  mantle  stalks  proudly  about 
the     market-place     in     his     spurs."  M 
When  he  is  master  of  the  prytany,    . 
b  xvii 


Introduction 


he  craves  the  privilege  of  announc- 
ing to  the  people  the  result  of  the 
sacrifice ;  and  as  soon  as  he  has 
delivered  to  the  people  the  momen- 
tous intelligence  that  the  sacrifice  has 
resulted  well,  he  hies  him  home  and 
recounts  his  triumph  to  his  wife  in 
an  ecstasy  of  joy. 

The  foregoing  are  but  illustrations 
of  the  happy  skill  with  which  Theo- 
phrastus  has  delineated  a  number  of 
character- types  which  are  as  universal 
as  human  nature  and  know  no  limits 
of  age  or  of  country.  Here  and 
there  we  meet  a  type  in  the  Greek 
for  which  we  have  no  exact  counter- 
part in  our  customary  modern  modes 
of  thought.  Such  a  type  may  be 
seen  in  Theophrastus*s  "  The  Disa- 
greeable Man,"  a  person  who  seems 
a  sort  of  general  nuisance  with  a 
touch  of  the  bore  and  the  braggart. 
As  a  rule,  however,  the  types  are 
singularly  like  those  we  know  to-day, 
and  it  is  not  difficult  at  once  to  pro- 


Introduction 


vide  them  with  appropriate  modern 
labels.     The    treatment,    though    al- 
most   invariably  brief,  is    invariably- 
vigorous    and    trenchant.     With    at 
few    bold    strokes    the    character   is) 
drawn.     There  is  absolutely  no  pre-i 
tense  of  style,  as  we  ordinarily  under-' 
stand  it;  yet  each  type  is  in  its  way) 
a  gem.     Through  them  all  runs  that) 
fidelity  to  truth  which  was  the  un-^ 
failing  inspiration  of  all  Greek  art.' 
It  is  this  which   makes  The  Charac-x 
ters  a  unique  creation  and  vindicates/ 
their  position  as  a  part  of  the  world's 
literature. 

It  is  largely  for  this  reason  that  these 
slight  sketches  are  here  produced  in 
English.exhibitingasthevdo,  _.,    „ 

L^  ^L  -.u    T^he  Ear- 

when  we  compare  them  with  /^-^^^  ^^_ 
what  we  see  around  us,  the  es-  tempt  at 
sential  identity  of  human  na-  Character- 
ture  in  ages  widely  separated  '^^^  ^^^ 
from  each  other  in  time  and  manners.^ 

^  "  I  gather,  too,  from  the  undeniable  testimony 
of  his   [Aristotle's]    disciple,  Theophrastus,  that 


Introduction 


There  is,  furthermore,  an  accidental 
interest  in  the  work  of  Theophrastus,> 
due  to  the  fact  that  it  is  the  first  re-J 
corded   attempt    at   systematic   char-A 
acter-writing.        Characters,    to     be 
sure,  are  portrayed    in  Homer    and 
in   the   tragedians,    but  they  are  in-i 
cidental    to   the    narrative  or   to  the 
;     dramatic    plot,     whereas     in    Theo- 
j     phrastus    the    business    is    with    the^ 
/      delineation    of  a   character  as  such. 
/      He  tells  us  what  a  man  does,  simply  • 
S     as  an  illustration  of  what  he  is,  and 
I     this  method  of  writing  had  a  very 
I     ^^g  intimate  bearing  on  the  evo- 

infiuence     lution  of  the  New  Comedy 
ofTheo-     under  the  leadership  of  Me- 
\    p  rastus     nander.    There  is  a  tradition. 


there  were  bores,  ill-bred  persons,  and  detractors 
even  in  Athens,  of  a  species  remarkably  correspond- 
ing to  the  English,  and  not  yet  made  endurable  by 
being  classic  ;  and,  altogether,  with  my  present 
fastidious  nostril,  I  feel  that  I  am  the  better  off 
for  possessing  Athenian  life  solely  as  an  inodorous 
fragment  of  antiquity.""  George  Eliot  in  Theo- 
phrastus  Such,  p.  27,  Cabinet  Edition. 
XX 


Introduction 


in  fact,  that  Theophrastus  was    the 
teacher  of  Menander,  who    in   turn 
furnished  models  for  Terence  in  his 
delineation   of  conventional    drama- 
tic types.     The  influence  of  Theo- . 
phrastus    was    further    directly    and  | 
potently    exerted    on    the    so-called 
character-writers  of  the  seventeenth! 
century  in  England  and  France.  The  I 
simple  methods    of  these  character- 
writers  and  their  uninvolved  sketches      \ 
were  succeeded  by  the  more  elaborate       \ 
art  of  the  novelists,  in  whose  works     , 
individuals  rather  than  types  are  de- 
scribed by  exhibiting  their  develop- 
ment  in   long   periods   of  time  and 
under     great    diversity     of    circum- 
stances. 

We  have  little  information  as  to 
the  personal  history  of  Theophrastus, 
beyond  what  we  learn  from  The  Youth 
the  extant  fragments  of  his  ofTheo- 
wri tings  and  from  the  meagre  P^^^^^^^ 
biography  of  Diogenes  of  Laerte. 
He  was  born  at  Eresus,  a  village  on 
xxi 


Introduction 


the  island  of  Lesbos,  in  371  b.c, 
and  his  father  was  one  Melantas,  a 
fuller  by  trade.  He  first  went  to 
school  to  Alcippus  in  his  native 
island,  but  afterwards  travelled  to 
Athens,  the  intellectual  metropolis, 
and  became  a  pupil  of  Plato  at  the 
Academy,  with  whom  he  appears  to 
have  studied  until  the  Master's  death. 
Theophrastus  was  then  in  his  twenty- 
fifth  year.  At  that  time  he  attached 
himself  to  Aristotle,  who  was  some 
twelve  years  his  senior  and  who  had 
also  been  a  member  of  the  Academy, 
until  Plato  died  scribens.  During 
the  twelve  years  which  elapsed  from 
the  death  of  Plato  until  Aristotle 
cj-f^g^_  established  the  new  school 
phrastus  of  the  Lyceum  {\n23S  ^-^O? 
and  Theophrastus  was  probably 

with  his  new  leader,  at  least 
part  of  the  time,  in  Stagira  or  at  the 
Macedonian  court,  where  the  youth- 
ful Alexander  was  under  the  tutorial 
discipline  of  Aristotle.  Theophrastus 
xxii 


Introduction 


was  an  intimate  friend  of  Callisthenes, 
the  unfortunate  fellow-student  and 
companion  of  Alexander,  and  it  is 
probable  that  the  two  studied  to- 
gether at  Pella.  The  story  is  told 
that  Aristotle,  in  speaking  of  these 
two  pupils,  said:  "Callisthenes 
needs  a  spur,  but  Theophrastus,^ 
a  bridle."  Many  years  later,  when 
Aristotle  was  dead  and  Cassander 
(see  Character  VII.)  had  gained 
control  of  Alexander's  throne,  Theo- 
phrastus  was  invited  to  an  office  at 
the  court  where  he  had  spent  his 
student  days,  and  Ptolemy  Soter, 
Cassander's  political  ally,  sent  him 
an  invitation  to  the  court  of  Egypt, 
But  he  declined  these  calls  into  the 
social  and  political  world,  and  main- 
tained steadfastly  his  devotion  to  phi- 
losophy. 

1  The  original  name  of  Theophrastus,  according 
to  tradition,  was  Tyrtamus,  but  owing  to  his  di- 
vine speech  Aristotle  gave  him  the  name  which 
has  come  down  to  us. 


Introduction 


It  was  a  fashion  for  the  rectors  or 
presidents  of  the  great  schools  of 
Theo-  Athens,  such  as  the  Cyno- 
phrastus  sarges,  the  Academy,  and  the 
Chosen  by    Lyceum,  before  their  death 

Aristotle       ,  ^u    * 

to  be  ^°  name  their  successors  m 

President  officc.  And  SO  when  Aris- 
of^h^  totle  was  asked  who  should 
yceum  gucceed  him  in  the  presidency 
of  the  Lyceum,  tradition  tells  of  the 
delicate  way  in  which  he  left  record 
of  his  wish.  His  two  most  distin- 
guished pupils  were  Theophrastus 
of  Lesbos  and  Eudemus  of  Rhodes. 
Aristotle  replied  to  the  question  as  to 
his  successor  by  asking  for  two  sorts 
of  wine,  —  Lesbian  and  Rhodian. 
After  tasting  of  them  he  said:  "They 
are  both  excellent ;  but  the  Lesbian 
is  the  sweeter."  Thereby  it  was 
known  that  he  had  decided  in  favor 
of  Theophrastus,  who  on  the  death 
of  Aristotle  (322  b.c.)  succeeded  to 
the  presidency  of  the  L^xeum,  over 
which  he  continued  to  preside  for 
xxiv 


Introduction 


thirty-five  years.  His  administration 
was  one  of  almost  unparalleled  suc- 
cess. Diogenes  Laertius  reports  that 
two  thousand  students  thronged  to 
him.  Although  not  born  at  Athens, 
he  was  one  of  the  most  popular  and 
beloved  members  of  that  somewhat 
exclusive  community.  This  is  il- 
lustrated by  the  story  of  Agonides, 
who  preferred  against  him  a  charge  of 
atheism,  —  a  charge  similar  to  that 
which  brought  Socrates  to  martyrdom 
and  drove  Aristotle  into  exile  and 
caused  his  early  death  ;  but  instead 
of  injuring  Theophrastus,  Agonides 
narrowly  escaped  paying  a  fine  for 
his  folly.  Amongst  his  contempo- 
raries Theophrastus  was  a  great  per- 
sonal force  by  reason  of  his  amiable 
character,  his  charities  and  lavish 
benefactions,  the  amenity  of  neath  of 
his  manners,  his  great  eru-  'theo- 
dition,  and  gifts  of  oratory.  P^^'^'^^' 
He  died  in  287  B.C.  in  the  eighty- 
fifth  year  of  his  age,  and  Diogenes 

XXV 


Introduction 


Laertius  says  that  "  the  whole  pop- 
ulation of  Athens,  honoring  him 
greatly,  followed  him  to  the  grave." 
Theophrastus  was  one  of  the  great- 
est polygraphs  of  antiquity.  Two 
His  Writ-  hundred  and  twenty-seven 
ingsand  works^  are  attributed  to  him. 
Gentus  npj^g  range  of  his  learning  is 
similar  to  that  of  Aristotle's,  with  the 
emphasis  laid  rather  more  strongly 
on  the  side  of  natural  science.  His 
genius,  however,  is  not  marked  by 
Aristotle's  profundity.  He  served 
his  age  rather  as  a  great  popular- 
izer  of  science ;  he  was  not  an 
originator  of  epoch-making  ideas  or 
theories.  Yet  as  a  local  and  popu- 
lar force  he  surpassed  Aristotle. 
His  influence  on  subsequent  ages, 
however,  is  less  marked.  Of  the 
227  works  (containing  232,908  lines) 

1  The  following  treatises  are  extant,  either  entire 
or  in  considerable  parts:  0«  Sensation^  i  bk.  ;  On 
Smells^  I  bk.  ;  Moral  Characters^  i  bk.  j  History 
of  Plants y  2  bks. 

xxvi 


Introduction 


attributed  to  Theophrastus,  frag- 
ments of  nine  only  are  now  ex- 
tant, excluding  certain  insignificant 
remains. 

It  is  doubtless  true,  however,  that 
he  influenced  his  own  time  as  much 
by  his  administrative  ability  in  the 
conduct  of  the  Lyceum  and  by 
his  oral  utterances  as  by  his  written 
treatises.  His  prodigious  industry 
was  no  doubt  partially  inspired  by 
Aristotle  as  well  as  by  the  swift, 
stirring  movement  of  the  age  immedi- 
ately preceding  and  following  the 
death  of  Alexander,  in  which  his  liter- 
ary manhood  was  passed.  "  Time," 
he  says,  "  is  the  most  valuable  thing 
a  man  can  spend."  He  expressed 
his  sense  of  the  value  of  order  in  the 
apothegm  :  "  Better  trust  a  horse 
without  bridle  than  a  discourse  with- 
out arrangement."  His  estimate  of 
oral  converse  at  table  is  recorded  in 
a  rather  brusque  and  un-Athenian 
remark  said  to  have  been  made  by 
xxvii 


Introduction 


him  to  a  silent  neighbor  at  dinner : 
"  Sir,  if  you  are  an  ignorant  man, 
your  conduct  shows  wisdom ;  but  if 
you  are  a  wise  man,  you  act  like  a 
fool."  The  genuinely  kind  character 
of  Theophrastus,  however,  is  amply 
illustrated  by  the  provisions 
of  his  will,  which  evidences 
also  his  very  considerable  wealth. 
He  had  inherited  from  Aristotle  the 
largest  private  library  then  known. 
This  library,  to  which  he  had  him- 
self made  notable  additions,  he 
bequeathed  to  Neleus,  his  nephew 
(Theophrastus  never  married),  and  by 
Neleus  it  was  taken  to  Asia  Minor, 
where  it  was  hidden  in  a  cellar  to 
avoid  the  rapacity  of  the  agents  of 
the  Attalid  dynasty,  who  were  seiz- 
ing all  available  books  for  the  Royal 
Library  at  Pergamon.  And  hereby 
hangs  the  curious  old  story  of  the  loss 
of  Aristotle's  works  for  one  hundred 
and  fifty  years,  until  they  were  redis- 
covered, worm  eaten,  in  the  cellar  of 
xxviii 


Introduction 


Neleus  at  Scepsis.  A  Museum, — 
temple  of  the  muses,  —  had  been  built 
by  Theophrastus  as  the  home  of  the 
Lyceum.  In  his  will  he  provided 
that  this  should  be  maintained  and 
beautified,  that  statues  of  the  illustri- 
ous dead  (particularly  of  Aristotle) 
should  be  completed,  for  which  com- 
missions had  already  been  given  to 
the  renowned  sculptor  Praxiteles ; 
further,  that  tablets  with  maps  of  the 
world  engraved  on  them  should  be 
erected  in  the  lower  colonnade.  In 
acknowledgment  of  the  claims  of  re- 
ligion, he  also  directed  that  an  altar 
should  be  placed  there.  He  devised 
the  garden,  promenade,  and  houses 
adjoining  the  garden  to  the  joint  con- 
trol of  Hipparchus,  Neleus,  Strato, 
and  their  successors,  as  a  trust,  en- 
joining that  a  school  of  philosophy 
should  be  maintained  in  them,  and 
that  the  property  should  never  be 
alienated  from  this  purpose  nor 
claimed  as  private  possession.  After 
xxix 


Introduction 


piously  making  provision  for  certain 
friends  and  the  support  of  faithful 
attendants,  he  further  directed  that 
he  should  be  buried  in  the  school 
garden  without  unnecessary  expense 
or  ceremony. 

Theophrastus     is     more      generally 
known  for  his  character  sketches  than 
<ffig         for    his    scientific    work,    al- 
Char-       though  his  treatises  on   bot- 
acters       ^^^  represented  the   highest 
attainments   made  by  science  in   that 
field  during  antiquity  and  the  Middle 
Ages.     The  treatise    here  translated 
(tjOlkol  xapaK:Ti7/D€9)  sets  forth  thirty 
types    of  character    striking    to    the 
A  Frap-      Greek     mind.       They     are 
mentfrom   probably  a  fragment  or  ex- 
a  Larger    ^j-act  made  by  some  epitoma- 
tor    rrom    a    larger    treatise 
which  was  suggested  by  the   abstract 
ethical     analyses     of     Aristotle,     as 
exhibited  in  the  Nicomachean    Ethics^ 
and  by  the  concrete  dramatic    repre- 
sentations of  the  New  Comedy.     The 


Introduction 


stage  suggests    the   form,  and  Aris- 
totle's   treatise    the    content.     The^l 
represent    nioraland„„!iocial   defects  I 
and  weaknesses,  though  not  revolting 
vices',  i)ut  tHey' do  this   in  a  Mimetic 
mimetic    way   by    exhibiting  Delinea- 
persons  as  acting  or  speaking.  ^''^J/ 
Theophrastus     was    a    con-  and  So- 
temporary  of  Philemon  and  cial  De- 
Menander,  and   his  life  was  -^^^'"^ 
spent  in  the  era  of  the  revival  of  com- 
edy and  the    elaboration   of  current 
moral  types  for  humorous  presenta- 
tion on  the  stage.   So  the  characters  of 
Theophrastus  are,  as  it  were,  dramatis 
■personae  of  his  time.      Ha-^CLW^  ^s 
how  a  given  type  of  man  speaks  and) 
acXs^,;,,  the  dramatization  of  his  charac- 
ters would  require  scarcely  anything' 
more  than  stage   setting.     His  por-| 
trayal  is  not  satire,  but  imitation  ;  notj 
caricature,  but  realistic  delin-    „    ,. 

r  1  •  r  TV  /r  Realism      | 

eation  from  lire.     Moreover, 
this  description  of  generic  types  rather  ^ 
than  of  individuals  belongs    to    the 
xxxi 


Introduction 


literary  fashion  of  his  age.  Looked 
at  from  this  mimetic  point  of  view, 
The  Characters  of  Theophrastus  are 
historically  all  the  more  important, 
because  our  knowledge  of  Menander, 
the  "  tenth  muse,"  is  so  meagre,  rest- 
ing, as  it  does,  upon  scanty  Greek 
fragments  and  a  few  Latin  adap- 
tations. 

These     thirty    sketches    at    the    be- 
ginning   of    the     post-classical     age 
Greek         ^o   not    represent,  properly 
Notion  of    Speaking,  vices,  and  yet  they^ 
^^"  were  vices  to  the  mind  of  the\ 

Greek,  who    measured   his  morality 
largely  by  the  canons  of  good  form. 
Any  violation  of  good  taste  or  breachi 
of    courtesy     was    morally    vicious,  i 
The  disposition  was  to   maintain  ini 
close  unity  the  natures  of  beauty  andl 
goodness     (fcaX o/cdy a^ta)  ;     moderns 
discriminate  sharply  between  the  aes-»^ 
thetic    and    the    moral.     The   social 
virtues   of  gentle   breeding  and  the^ 
graces    of    politeness     toward    their' 
xxxii 


Introduction 


fellow    men    had    for     the    classical. 
Greeks  an  ethical  nature,  as  is  wit-/ 
nessed  in  Aristotle's  Ethics,     Man- 
ners and  morals  were  not  sundered. 
What  we  call  a  social  weakness,  or  de-  V 
feet,  or  boorish  crudity,  Theophrastus  '| 
called  a  vice.     It  is  necessary  to  bear    ; 
this   in    mind  when    one    reads    the 
"  moral  characters,"  ^  as  they  are  called 
in  the  Greek  title. 

/•Amongst  these   characters  there  are 

ino  virtues,  and  one  may  ask  :  Why 
is  it  that  in  his  portrayal  of  virtues 

^ypes  Theophrastus    has  al-  not  Delin- 
together  omitted  any  descrip-  ^^^^^ 

^tion  of  good  men  ?  The  answer  is 
not  to  be  found  in  the  supposition 
that  such  characters  were  originally 
included  in  the  work,  but  have  since 
perished.  The  real  ground  for  the 
omission  is  probably  to  be  discovered 

*  A  character  (xapda-a-flu  "to  engrave")  Is  the  in- 
dividuality which  is  engraved  by  habits  and  temper- 
ament on  a  man  or  group  of  men,  and  in  a  literary 
sense  (as  used  by  Theophrastus)  it  is  the  verbal 
delineation  of  this  individuality. 
^  xxxiii 


Introduction 


in  the  nature  of  the  conditions  under 
which  Theophrastus  wrote.  These, 
as  we  have  already  indicated,  were 
closely  connected  with  the  develop- 
ment of  the  New  Comedy.  The 
portrayal  of  a  good  character  may  be 
edifying,  and  may  serve  the  conditions 
of  tragedy,  but  it  does  not  suit  the 
purposes  or  surroundings  of  the 
comic  stage,  where  the  ludicrous 
elements  of  weak,  eccentric,  or  faulty 
personalities  are  the  materials  em- 
ployed. The  aim  of  TheophrastusS 
is  both  to  amuse^aiid  to  instruct,  but[ 
his  instruction  is  given  by  exposing 
to  ridicule  certain  faults  which  he 
elevates  into  the  striking  tangibility  j 
of  concrete  character.  The  serious 
T:he  Sub-  ^ig^i^Y  ^^^  excellence  of  the 
ject-matter  good  man,  while  it  may  suit 
°f^^^         the  heroic  conditions  of  the 

Sketches  •        ^i  r 

epic,  the  grave  purpose    or 

tragedy,  or  the  aims  of  moral  allegory, 

offers  no  material  for  such  sketches 

as  these.     Theophrastus  has  no  con- 

xxxiv 


Introduction 


cern  either  with  the  grossly  immoral 
or   with    the    helplessly    weak ;    the 
former  awaken  only  disgust  and  hate, 
while  the  latter  stir  only  feelings  of 
pity,  and  neither  of  these  emotions 
can  be  kept  active  in  the  true  art  of 
comedy.     Rightly  speaking,  the  art 
of  Theophrastus  has  to  do  only  with 
folly  or  with  such  eccentricities  and 
weaknesses    as    have     a    humorous 
aspect.     And  it  is   only   moral   im- 
perfections   of    this     sort    that    we 
actually  find  in  ^he  Characters, 
As  to  the  serious  function  of  instruc-~^ 
tion   which  Theophrastus  no  doubt 
aims  to  combine  with   that  /^/^/^^/^^^ 
of  entertainment,  there  is  no  an  instru- 
more  skilful  mode  of  indue-  ^entofin- 
ing  moral   betterment   than  ^'''"^''^'' 
the   discovery   and   exposure  of  the 
ludicrous.     Most  men  would  rather 
incur  the  charge  of  immorality  than 
be  exposed  to  the  belittling  laugh  or 
derision  of  a  community ;  they  would 
rather  be  rogues  than  fools.   The  por- 

XXXV 


Introduction 


trait-painter  of  moral  life  makes  use 
of  the  ludicrous  when  he  desires  to 
catch  the  popular  attention,  and  there 
is  nothing,  one  may  safely  say,  that 
makes  society  at  large  prick  up  its 
ears  and  fall  to  gossiping  so  much  as 
a  satire  in  which  some  well-known 
person  is  subjected  to  ridicule.  \ 
Moral  folly  is  much  the  same  every- 
where ;  it  is  only  the  fooFs  costume 

that    changes     in     different 
Folh         countries.    The  folly  of  the 

miser  is  seen  in  his  cheating 
himself  of  the  real  goods  of  life  and  in 
robbing  himself  of  the  respect  of  his 
fellows ;  the  folly  of  the  coward,  in 
gaining  personal  safety  by  losing  rep- 
utation for  manliness ;  the  folly  of 
the  flatterer,  in  his  shallow  self-serving 
which  men  see  through,  while  they 
nudge  their  fellows  and  laugh  at  his 
weakness ;  the  folly  of  the  vain  man, 
in  the  way  in  which  he  assumes  im- 
pressive proportions  to  his  own  mag- 
nifying eye,  while  to  others  his  per- 
XXX  vi 


Introduction 


sonality  looks  as  small  as  it  is;  the  folly 
of  the  tactless  man,  in  consulting  his 
own    convenience    rather    than    his 
neighbor's,    whereby    he    becomes   a 
butt  for  his  gaucherie ;  the  folly  of 
the  boor,  in  his  trampling  awkwardly 
on  the  established  usages  of  the  polite 
world  and  thereby  drawing  upon  him- 
self the  smilingly  derisive  attention 
of  all    observers.     Throughout    the 
list  these  characters  represent  some 
type  of  social  foible  or  folly. 
In  regard  to  the  literary  art  of  Theo- 
phrastus,     as      exhibited     in     these 
sketches,  it  must  be  looked  q-^g  ^/^^^_ 
at  from  the  standpoint  of  an  ary  Art  of 
innovation  in  Greek  letters  ;  '^^"' 
it  is  rare  that  any  man  both 
begins  and    perfects  an  art.     There  | 
is  nothing  in  the  world  so  interest- 
ing as  a  character,  but  there  is  also  . 
nothing  that  is  so  difficult  to  portray « 
briefly.     Theophrastus  was  an  acute 
observer_and  he  was  a  plain  realist.! 
Hisart  consists  in  the  truthfulness 
xxxvii 


Introduction 


\ 


of  his  vision  and  in  the  direct  sim- 
plicity with  which  he  gives  it  expres- 
sion.    He  does  not    seek  to   create 
a  laugh  by  exaggeration  or  by    the 
trick  of  a  ludicrous  situation  that  has 
no   moral   significance.  /His   art  is  i 
not   possible  without  wit,  keenness, 
and  fineness  of  feeling./  There  is  no, 
exhibition  of  the  satirist's  lash;  but 
his  criticism  is  made  with  that  geni-i 
ality  which  is  more  telling  than  the 
severest   invective.  VThese   are    not 
individual     portraits,  y  They     lack,' 
therefore,  the  detailed  finish  of  such 
a  portrait  as  is  given  in  the  much- 1 
elaborated    modern    novel   with    its 
varied  facilities  for  exhibiting  the  in- 
dividuality of  one  or  several  persons. 
■^On  the  contrary,  these   are   merely 
outline    sketches,  ^as    Theophrastus 
himself  calls  them,  and  are  descrip- 
tive of  a  class,  not  of  an  individual,  r 
A  simple   line,    however,  does    not 
constitute    a   sketch ;    to    exhibit    a 
character,  the  sketch  must  not  only 
xxxviii 


Introduction 


^^^S^3-L)y^^om^\^t^,  The  coward, ^^ 
e,  g.y  is  sketched  in  his  fear  at  sea, 
where  his  timid  imagination  invents 
dangers,  and  he  wishes  to  be  put 
ashore ;  he  is  sketched  on  the  field 
of  battle,  where  he  tries  to  impress 
his  comrades  by  a  courage  that  he 
does  not  feel ;  but  when  he  hears  the 
shouts  of  war  and  sees  the  soldiers 
fall,  he  shrinks  faint-hearted  to  his 
tent  and  there  searches  for  the  sword 
he  has  himself  hid ;  and  again  when 
the  danger  is  over  he  resumes  his 
bold  exterior  and  proclaims  his  daring 
rescue  of  a  comrade.  We  have  here 
a  pictorial  sketch  which,  with  its  life 
and  action,  appeals  to  the  reader^s 
eye.  The  coward  is  shown  from 
various  points  of  view,  always  in  new^ 
lights,  but  he  is  always  the  coward. 
The  canons  of  this  species  of  literary 
art  may_ be  summarized  as  7-^^ 

follows '^U  — Faithfulness  to    Canons  of 

reality:  The  character  must  ^^^ ^^^ 
be    an     accurate    report    of    nature 
xxxix 


Introduction 


I  and  not  a  caricature.  It  must  be 
y  executed  in  the  spirit  of  realism. 
2. — Brevity :  It  must  be  slight  and  ) 
swift,  essentially  of  the  nature  of  a 
sketch.  3.  —  Humor:  It  must  have 
the  sprightliness  of  statement  that 
amuses  while  it  instructs.  4. — -Type  : 
It  must  be  illustrative  of  a  generic 
or  typical  fault.  In  other  words, 
the  character  must  give  embodiment 
to  some  fault  that  touches  human 
nature  in  an  essential  and  universal 
way.  5.  —  Concreteness  :  The  fault  as 
an  abstraction  must  be  translated  by  / 
the  artist's  power  into  a  concrete  per- 
sonal form.  The  foible  must  be 
revealed  in  a  genre  picture  of  a  living 
personality. 

Since  Theophrastus,  this  form  of 
character-writing  has  been  cultivated^ 
Imitators  ^^  various  times^but  it  flour- 
of  Theo-  ished  most  amongst  the 
phrastut  ^linQj.  essayists  of  the  seven-  \ 
teenth  century .>^  It  is  of  too  slight  a 
nature  in  itself  to  make  a  serious  im- 
xl 


Introduction 


pression  on    any  literary  epoch.     It 
suited,  however,  the  temper  of  the 
seventeenth  century,  as  the  sprightly 
essay  possessing  no  serious  depth  and 
aiming  to  touch  life  at  many  points. 
The  chief  imitators  of  Theophrastus 
and    exponents    of  character-writing 
at  this  time  were  Bishop  Hall,  Bish- 
op   Earle,    Sir    Thomas    Overbury, 
Nicholas  Breton,  Samuel  Butler,  and 
La  Bruyere.     Bishop  Hall,  contrary 
to  the  example  of  Theophrastus,  in- 
cludes virtues  as  well  as  vices  in  hisV 
book    entitled   Characters  of  Vertues 
and  Vices  (London,   1608).     In  the 
general  structure  of  his  composition 
he  follows    the  model  of  Theophras- 
tus   closely.     In   the    description  of\ 
vices,    however,    he    is   much    more' 
entertaining  than  in  his  sketches  of 
virtues,    which    are    rather    homilies 
and,  as  the  panegyrics  of  a   tedious 
preacher,  provoke  one  to  yawn.    Vir- » 
tue  is   not  fitting   material    for    this  / 
species    of    writing.     The    brilliant 
xli 


Introduction 


but  ill-starred  Sir  Thomas  Overbury, 
in  his  Characters  or  Witty  Descrip- 
tions of  the  Properties  of  Sundry  Per- 
sons (London,  1614;  went  through 
eighteen  editions),  departs  from 
the  usage  of  Theophrastus  in  depict- 
ing for  the  most  part  amusing  acci- 
dents of  character  and  humorous 
peculiarities  of  trades  and  pro- 
fessions. Bishop  Earle,  on  the  other 
hand,  in  his  Micro-cosmographie 
(London,  1628)  confined  his  character 
delineation  to  mores  hominum,  to  ethi- 
cal types  of  men  as  such,  in  a  spirit 
similar  to  that  of  his  Greek  model. 
The  best  known  of  all  the  imitators 
of  Theophrastus,  if  he  can  be  called 
,  „  ,  an  imitator  at  all,  is  La  Bru- 
yere,  m  his  Les  car ac teres  ou 
les  mceurs  de  ce  siecle  (Paris,  1688). 
The  caracteres  of  La  Bruyere  are 
really  satires  on  certain  thinly  dis- 
guised contemporaries  of  his  own 
and  are  executed  in  a  spirited  method 
totally  different  from  that  of  Theo- 
xlii 


Introduction 


phrastus,  but  to  which  a  translation 
of  T^he  Characters  of  Theophrastus 
is  added.  La  Bruyere  was  a  lover 
of  the  ancient  classics,  although  his 
translation  or  paraphrase  was  hardly- 
more  than  a  pretext  for  writing  down 
his  own  description  of  the  manners 
of  his  time.  It  furnished  him,  per- 
haps, the  first  suggestion  and  the 
first  impulse  to  the  portrayal  of  the 
vices  and  weaknesses  of  his  contem- 
poraries on  a  much  larger  scale  than 
Theophrastus  had  attempted. 


xliii 


A 


Character^  of 

Theophra^tu^ 

Epistle  Dedicatory 

Theophrastus  to  Polycles: 

MANY  a  time  ere  now  I  have 
stopped  to  think  and  won- 
der,—  I  fancy  the  marvel 
will  never  grow  less,  —  why  it  is 
that  we  Greeks  are  not  all  one 
in  character,  for  we  have  the  same 
climate  throughout  the  country, 
and  our  people  enjoy  the  same 
education.  I  have  studied  human 
nature  a  long  time,  my  dear  Poly- 
cles, for  I  have  lived  nine  and 
ninety  years ;  ^  I  have  conversed 
with   many  men  of  divers  char- 

^  This  dedication  is  now  thought  to  be  spurious. 
The    Characters   were    probably    written    in 
319  B.C.,  at  which  time  Theophrastus  was 
not  more  than  fifty-three  years  of  age. 
I  I 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

acters,  and  have  been  at  great 
pains  to  observe  both  good  and 
bad.  I  have  fancied,  therefore, 
I  ought  to  set  down  in  writing 
how  men  live  and  act.  I  shall 
describe  their  characters,  each  after 
its  kind,  and  show  you  their  be- 
setting weaknesses.  I  dare  say, 
Polycles,  our  children  will  be  the 
better,  if  we  leave  them  me- 
morials of  this  sort ;  and  as  they 
study  these  patterns  of  good  -^  and 
ill,  they  will  elect,  I  think,  to  live 
and  hold  communion  with  men 
of  the  highest  type.  In  this 
way  they  will  strive  to  maintain 
the  level  of  the  highest.  I  turn 
now  to  my  task.  Yours  it  is  to 
follow  me  and  see  if  what  I  say 
is  true.  I  begin  my  book  with 
a    description   of  the  Dissemhlery 

*  This  allusion  to  patterns  of  good  men  is  a  further 
proof  of  the  spurlousness  of  the  Epistle  Dedi- 
catory, no  such  types  seem  to  have  been 
written  by  Theophrastus.     See  Introduction, 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

omitting  any  preface  and  details 
about  the  word.  And  first  of 
all  I  shall  lay  down  a  definition 
of  dissembling,  and  with  this  in 
view  shall  describe  the  dissembler 
in  his  character  and  manner  of 
life,  exhibiting  in  such  clearness, 
as  I  can,  his  various  traits. 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

I    The  Dissembler 

(^Elpcovela) 

DISSEMBLING,    generally 
speaking,  is  an    affectation, 
whether  in  word  or  action, 
V    intended    to   make    things    seem 
'  other  than  they  really  are.     The 
dissembler  is  a  man,  for  instance, 
who  accosts  his  enemies  and  en- 
gages readily  in  talk  with  them, 
to  show  that  he  bears  no  grudge, 
and  who   praises    to    their   faces 
the  very  men  he  slanders  behind 
their  backs ;  and  when  these  lose 
a  suit  at  court,  he  professes  sym- 
pathy for  their  misfortune.  When 
men  malign  him,  or  the  opposi- 
tion 's  loud,  he  is  ever  ready  with 
forgiveness. 
When  others  have  suffered  such  ill- 
treatment  as  to  have  just  cause 
for  indignation,  his  comments  on 
their  wrongs  are  couched  in  non- 
4 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

committal  terms.  And  when  a 
man  is  anxious  to  have  an  inter- 
view with  him,  he  bids  him  come 
again,  pretending  that  he  has 
just  reached  home,  that  the  hour 
is  late,  or  that  his  health  is  too 
feeble  to  bear  the  strain. 

He  never  admits  anything  he  is 
doing,  but  at  most  will  say  that 
he  is  considering  it.  When  a 
friend  would  borrow  of  him,  or 
would  solicit  his  contribution,  he 
says  "Business  is  dreadfully  dull"; 
though  at  other  times,  when 
business  is  really  dull,  he  re- 
ports a  thriving  trade.  If  he  has 
received  a  bit  of  news,  he  will 
not  admit  he  has  heard  it;  and 
when  he  has  witnessed  an  occur- 
rence, he  will  not  admit  he 
has  seen  it ;  or  if  he  does  ad- 
mit it,  he  protests  he  can't  re- 
call it.  And  of  one  matter,  he 
says  he  will  examine  it ;  of  an- 
5 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

other,  that  he  does  n't  know  ;  of 
others,  that  he  is  amazed ;  of  yet 
others,  that  he  had  thought  of  that 
himself  before.  In  short,  he  is  a 
master  of  phrases  like  these  :  "  I 
can't  believe  it";  "I  fail  to  com- 
prehend"; "I  'm  dumfounded"; 
"By  your  account  the  fellow  has 
become  a  different  man  "  ;  "  He 
certainly  did  n't  tell  me  that "  ; 
"The  thing's  improbable";  "Tell 
that  to  the  marines!"  ;  "I'm  at  a 
loss  how  I  can  either  doubt  your 
story  or  condemn  my  friend "  ; 
"  But  see  whether  you  're  not  too 
credulous." 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

II    "The  Flatterer 


F 


LATTERY  is  a  cringing  sort 
of  conduct  that  aims  to  pro- 
mote the  advantage  of  the 
flatterer.  The  flatterer  is  the 
kind  of  man  who,  as  he  walks 
with  an  acquaintance,  says  :  "  Be- 
hold !  how  the  people  gaze  at 
you !  There  is  not  a  man  in 
the  city  who  enjoys  so  much  no- 
tice as  yourself.  Yesterday  your 
praises  were  the  talk  of  the  Porch. 
While  above  thirty  men  were  sit- 
ting there  together  and  the  con- 
versation fell  upon  the  topic : 
'  Who  is  our  noblest  citizen  ? ' 
they  all  began  and  ended  with 
your  name."  As  the  flatterer 
goes  on  talking  in  this  strain  he 
picks  a  speck  of  lint  from  his 
hero's  cloak ;  or  if  the  wind  has 
lodged  a  bit  of  straw  in  his  locks, 
7 


Characters  ofTheophrastus 

he  plucks  it  off  and  says  laugh- 
ingly, "  See  you  ?  Because  I 
have  not  been  with  you  these 
two  days,  your  beard  is  turned 
gray.  And  yet  if  any  man  has 
a  beard  that  is  black  for  his  years, 
it  is  you." 

While  his  patron  speaks,  he  bids 
the  rest  be  silent.  He  sounds 
his  praises  in  his  hearing  and 
after  the  patron's  speech  gives 
the  cue  for  applause  by  "  Bravo ! " 
If  the  patron  makes  a  stale  jest, 
the  flatterer  laughs  and  stuffs  his 
sleeve  into  his  mouth  as  though 
he  could  not  contain  himself.^ 

If  they  meet  people  on  the  street, 
he  asks  them  to  wait  until  master 
passes.  He  buys  apples  and 
pears,  carries  them  to  his  hero's 

/  1  "  A  piece  of  witte  bursts  him  with  an  overflow- 
ing laughter,  and  hee  remembers  it  for  you 
to    all    companies."      Earle's    Micro-cosmo- 
graphie^   *<  The  Flatterer.*' 
8 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

house  and  gives  them  to  the 
children,  and  in  the  presence  of 
the  father,  who  is  looking  on,  he 
kisses  them,  exclaiming :  "  Bairns 
of  a  worthy  sire  ! "  When  the 
patron  buys  a  pair  of  shoes,  the 
flatterer  observes :  "  The  foot  is 
of  a  finer  pattern  than  the  boot "  ; 
if  he  calls  on  a  friend,  the  flatterer 
trips  on  ahead  and  says :  "  You 
are  to  have  the  honor  of  his  visit  ** ; 
and  then  turns  back  with,  "  I  have 
announced  you."  Of  course  he 
can  run  and  do  the  errands  at  the 
market  in  a  twinkle. 

Amongst  guests  at  a  banquet  he  is 
the  first  to  praise  the  wine  and, 
doing  it  ample  justice,  he  ob- 
serves :  "  What  a  fine  cuisine  you 
have ! "  He  takes  a  bit  from 
the  board  and  exclaims :  "  What 
a  dainty  morsel  this  is  !  "  Then 
he  inquires  whether  his  friend  is 
chilly,  asks  if  he  would  like  a 
9 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

wrap  put  over  his  shoulders,  and 
whether  he  shall  throw  one  about 
him.  With  these  words  he  bends 
over  and  whispers  in  his  ear. 
While  his  talk  is  directed  to  the 
rest,  his  eye  is  fixed  on  his  patron. 
In  the  theatre  he  takes  the  cush- 
ions from  the  page  and  himself 
adjusts  them  for  the  comfort  of 
the  master.  Of  his  hero's  house 
he  says :  "  It  is  well  built"  ;  of 
his  farm  :  "  It  is  well  tilled  "  ;  and 
of  his  portrait :  "It  is  a  speak- 
ing image." 


lo 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

III    "The  Coward 


c 


OWARDICE  is  a  certain 
shrinking  of  the  heart.  A 
coward  is  a  man  who,  as  he 
sails  along,  imagines  that  the  cliiFs 
in  the  distance  are  pirate  ships  ; 
if  the  waves  are  high,  he  asks  if 
there's  anybody  in  the  ship's 
company  who  has  not  been  initi- 
ated into  the  mysteries.^  He  bends 
over  toward  the  helmsman  and 
inquires  whether  he  intends  to 
keep  to  the  high  sea,  and  what 
he  thinks  of  the  weather ;  and  to 
his  companion  says  that  he  is  in 
terror  in  consequence  of  a  dream 
he  has  had ;  and  he  takes  oiF  his 
tunic  and  gives  it  to  his  slave, 
and  begs  to  be  set  on  shore. 

1  Apparently  the   reference  is  to   the    Samothra- 
cian  mysteries,  initiation  in  which  was  thought 
to  ensure  protection  at  sea  in  time  of  danger. 
II 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

In  a  campaign,  when  the  infantry- 
march  forth,  he  bids  his  comrades 
stand  by  him  and  look  sharp, 
urging  the  importance  of  finding 
out  whether  yonder  object  be  the 
foe  or  not.  When  he  hears  the 
sound  of  battle,  and  sees  men 
fall,  he  says  to  those  about  him 
that,  in  his  haste,  he  has  forgotten 
to  take  his  sword ;  then  he  runs 
back  to  his  tent,  sends  his  servant 
out  and  bids  him  see  where  the 
enemy  are ;  meanwhile  he  hides 
his  weapon^  under  his  pillow, 
and  then  wastes  a  long  time  hunt- 
ing for  it.  While  in  his  tent, 
seeing  one  of  his  companions 
brought  wounded  from  the  field, 
he  runs  out,  bids  the  fellow 
"  Cheer  up  ! ''  and  lends  a  hand 
to  carry  the  stretcher.    And  then 


*  The  sight  of  a  sword  wounds  him  more  sen- 
sibly than  the  stroke,  for  before  that  comes 
hee  is  dead  already."  Earle's  Micro-cosmo- 
graphie^   "The  Coward.'' 

12 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

he  stays  to  tend  the  sufferer, 
washes  his  wounds,  and  sits  by 
his  side  driving  away  the  flies,  — 
anything  but  fight  the  enemy. 

When  the  trumpeter  sounds  the 
signal  for  a  fresh  onset,  he  ex- 
claims as  he  sits  in  his  tent : 
"  Plague  take  him  !  He  won't  let 
the  poor  fellow  get  to  sleep  with 
his  eternal  bugling."  Then,  stain- 
ing himself  with  blood  from  the 
other's  wound,  he  meets  the 
troops  as  they  return  from  battle, 
and  pretending  to  have  been  in 
the  thick  of  the  fight,  he  ex- 
claims, "  I  Ve  saved  a  comrade  !  " 

■^  And  then  he  takes  his  demesmen 
and  tribesmen  Into  the  tent,  and 
assures  each  one  of  them  that  he 
himself  brought  the  wounded 
man  to  the  tent  with    his  own 


hand 


13 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

IV  TheOver-zealousMan 

(TlepLepyta') 


o 


VER-ZEALOUSNESS  is 
an  excess  in  saying  or  do- 
ing,— with  good  intentions, 
of  course.  The  over-zealous  man 
is  one  who  gets  up  in  public  and 
engages  to  do  things  which  he  can- 
not perform.  In  cases  where  no 
doubt  exists  in  the  mind  of  any  one 
else,  he  raises  some  objection  — 
only  to  be  refuted. 

At  a  banquet,  he  forces  the  ser- 
vants to  mix  more  wine  than  the 
guests  can  drink.  If  he  sees  two 
men  in  a  quarrel,  he  strives  to 
part  them  though  he  knows 
neither  one.  Leaving  the  main 
road  he  leads  his  friends  upon 
a  by-path  and  presently  cannot 
find  his  way.  He  accosts  his 
commander  and  inquires  when  he 
14 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

is  going  to  draw  up  the  troops 
for  battle,  and  what  orders  he 
intends  to  issue  for  day  after 
to-morrow. 

He  goes  and  tells  his  father  that 
his  mother  is  already  asleep  in 
her  chamber.  If  the  doctor  gives 
instructions  that  no  wine  be  given 
a  patient,  he  administers  "just  a 
little,"  on  the  plea  that  he  wants 
to  set  the  sufferer  right.  And 
when  a  woman  dies,  he  has 
carved  on  the  tombstone  her 
husband's  name,  and  her  father's 
and  her  mother's,  along  with  the 
woman's  own  name  and  her 
native  place,  and  adds  :  "  Worthy 
people,  all  of  them."  In  court, 
as  he  takes  the  oath,  he  remarks 
to  the  by-stand ers,  "  I  have  done 
this  many  a  time  before." 


n 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

V   The  Tactless  Man 

TACTLESSNESS  is  the  fac- 
ulty of  hitting  a  moment 
that  is  unpleasant  to  the 
persons  concerned.  The  tactless 
man  is  the  sort  of  person  who 
selects  a  man's  busy  hour  to  go 
and  confer  with  him.  He  sere- 
nades his  sweetheart  when  she  has 
a  fever.  If  an  acquaintance  has 
just  lost  bail-money  on  a  friend, 
he  hunts  him  up  and  asks  him 
to  be  his  surety.  After  a  verdict 
has  been  rendered  he  appears  at 
the  trial  to  give  evidence.  At  a 
wedding  where  he  is  a  guest 
he  declaims  against  womankind. 

When   a  friend   has  just  finished  a 

long  journey  he  invites    him  to 

go  for  a  walk.     He  has  a  faculty 

for  fetching  a  higher  bidder  for 

i6 


Characters-  of  Theophrastus 

an  article  after  it  has  been  sold ; 
and  in  a  group  of  companions  he 
gets  up  and  explains  from  the  be- 
ginning a  story  which  the  others 
have  just  heard  and  have  com- 
pletely understood.  He  is  anx- 
ious to  give  himself  the  trouble  to 
do  what  nobody  wants  done,  and 
yet  what  nobody  likes  to  decline. 

When  men  are  in  the  midst  of 
religious  offerings  and  are  making 
outlay  of  money,  he  goes  to 
collect  his  interest.  If  he  hap- 
pens to  be  standing  by  when  a 
slave  is  flogged,  he  tells  the 
story  of  how  he  once  flogged  a 
slave,  who  then  went  away  and 
hanged  himself.  If  he  is  arbitra- 
tor in  a  dispute,  he  sets  both  con- 
testants by  the  ears  just  at  the 
moment  when  they  are  ready  to 
settle  their  difi^erences.  When 
he  wants  to  dance  he  takes  a 
partner  who  is  not  yet  merry. 

2  17 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

VI    The  Shameless  Man 


s 


HAMELESSNESS  may  be 
defined  as  contempt  for  de- 
cency, joined  with  meanness 
of  purpose.  Your  shameless 
fellow  is  one  who  robs  a  man  and 
then  returns  to  borrow  money  of 
him.  He  sacrifices  a  victim  to 
the  gods,  and  instead  of  making 
Hs  supper  from  it,  he  salts  the 
meat  down  and  then  gets  a  meal 
at  the  house  of  a  friend.  He 
calls  a  servant,  and,  taking  bread 
and  meat  from  the  table,  says  in 
a  voice  that  all  can  hear ;  *'  Try 
that,  Tibios !  '* 

When  he  goes  to  market,  he  re- 
minds the  butcher  of  all  the 
patronage  he  has  given  him, 
and  as  he  stands  by  the  scales, 
throws  in  an  extra  piece,  if  he 
iS 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

can,  or  if  not,  a  soup-bone.  If 
he  secures  these,  he  rests  con- 
tent. If  he  fails,  he  snatches 
a  piece  of  tripe  from  the  bench 
and  makes  off  with  it  laugh- 
ing. He  buys  theatre  tickets 
for  friends  that  are  staying  in 
town  and  goes  along  with  them 
to  the  performance,  but  does 
,  not  contribute  his  share  of  the 
expense  ;  and  the  next  day  you  '11 
find  him  taking  his  children  and 
their  tutor,  too. 

When  anybody  has  found  a  bargain 
in  any  line,  he  demands  to  have 
a  share.  He  goes  to  the  neigh- 
bors and  borrows  barley,  or  some- 
times even  bran,  and  actually 
endeavors  to  make  those  who 
lend  him  these  articles  deliver 
them  at  his  house.  A  favorite 
trick  of  his  is  to  march  up  to  the 
tubs  in  a  private  bath-house, 
draw  a  bucket  of  warm  water, 
19 


Characters  of  "Theophrastus 

dash  it  over  his  head,  despite  the 
loud  protests  of  the  attendant, 
and  then  say,  as  he  leaves : 
"  That  *s  a  good  bath  ;  no  thanks 
to  you  !  " 


20 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

VII  The  Newsmonger 

(AoyoTToiia) 


N 


EWSMAKING  is  the  con- 
coction of  false  stories  of 
what  people  say  and  do,  at 
the  gossip's  caprice.  The  news- 
monger is  one  who  straightway 
strikes  an  attitude  and  assumes 
a  smiling  air  when  he  meets  a 
friend,  and  asks  :  "  Where  have 
you  been  ?  What  news  ?  How 
is  the  situation  ?  Have  you  any 
fresh  word  about  it  ? "  and  then 
going  straight  on,  he  asks  :  "Is 
there  no  later  report  ?  Well !  the 
current  rumors  are  good." 

And  without  letting  his  friend  reply, 
he  keeps  right  on  :  "  What !  you 
have  n't  heard  a  word  about  it ! 
Then  I  think  I  have  a  feast  of 
news  for  you."  He  always  has 
in  readiness  some  unheard-of  sol- 

21 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

dier  or  a  slave  belonging  to  one 
Asteus,  a  piper,  or  Lycon,  an 
obscure  contractor,  just  back  from 
the  battle-field;  and  it  is  from 
one  of  these  that  he  has  heard 
the  tidings.  The  authorities  for 
his  reports  are  of  the  sort  that 
you  can  never  get  hold  of  Such 
are  the  men  he  quotes  when  he 
tells  how  Polyperchon  and  the 
king  carried  the  day  and  Cas- 
sander  was  taken  prisoner. 

If  anybody  asks :  "Do  you  believe 
this?"  he  replies,  "Why  the 
story  is  noised  all  about  the  city, 
is  constantly  gaining  ground,  and 
the  whole  population  is  of  one 
mind  ;  everybody  is  agreed  about 
the  battle ;  it  must  have  been 
a  regular  Death's  feast.**  He 
reads  a  proof  of  it  too  in  the 
faces  of  men  in  authority ;  for 
they  all  wear  a  changed  look. 
He  says  he  overheard  that  a  man 

22 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

had  come  from  Macedonia  who 
knows  the  whole  history  of  the 
battle,  and  that  he  has  been  con- 
cealed now  five  days  in  a  house 
with  the  authorities.  There  is  a 
convincing  pathos  in  his  voice  — 
you  can  imagine  it !  —  as  he  tells 
his  story  and  exclaims :  "  Luck- 
less Cassander  !  ^  ill-starred  hero  ! 
Lo !  the  fickleness  of  fortune ! 
Vain  it  was  that  he  rose  to  power. 
But  what  I  say  is  strictly  between 
ourselves."  Then  he  trips  off 
and  repeats  the  story  to  every 
man  in  town. 

^  Cassander,  the  son  of  Antipater  (died  319 
B.C.)  became  Involved  in  a  struggle  with 
Polyperchon,  whom  Antipater  on  his  death- 
bed had  appointed  regent.  Cassander  met 
with  many  reverses,  but  finally  (301  B.C.) 
secured  undisputed  possession  of  Macedonia 
and  Greece. 


23 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

VIII  The  Mean  Man 

{MiKpoXoyLo) 


M 


EANNESS  is  undue  spar- 
ing of  expense.  The  mean 
man  is  the  sort  of  person 
who  will  go  to  a  creditor's  hous€ 
and  demand  a  half-penny  interest 
before  the  month  is  up.  At 
dinner  he  counts  the  glasses  each 
guest  drinks,  and  amongst  his 
fellow  banqueters  he  pours  the 
smallest  offering  to  Artemis. 

He  counts  up  the  price  a  friend  pays 
for  a  cheap  purchase,  exclaiming 
that  it  takes  his  last  penny.  I£^ 
servant  breaks  a  pot  or  plate  he 
deducts  its  value  from  his  rations. 
If  his  wife  has  lost  a  three-farth- 
ing piece,  he  turns  the  furniture, 
beds,  and  cupboards  round  and 
round,  and  hunts  between  the 
boards  of  the  floor.  When  he 
24 


Characters  of  Theopbrastus 

has  anything  to  sell  he  puts  the 
price  so  high  that  the  buyer  gets 
no  bargain.  Jie^-permits  no  one 
to  take  a  fig  from  his  garden  or 
to  cross  his  field,  or  even  pick  up 
an  olive  or  a  date  that  has  fallen 
to  the  ground.  He  examines 
his  boundary  marks  every  day 
to  see  thaflhey"h'ave  not  been 
touched. 

And  he  is  always  ready  in  case  of 
default  to  use  the  right  of  seizure 
and  to  collect  compound  interest. 
When  he  gives  a  banquet  to  his 
townsmen  he  cuts  the  meat  in 
small  pieces  and  sets  a  portion 
before  each  guest.  He  goes  to 
market,  but  buys  nothing.  He 
forbids  his  wife  to  lend  salt  or  a 
lamp^wick  or  a  pinch  of  cum- 
min, marjoram,  or  meal,  a  fillet 
or  a  sacrificial  wafer,  observing 
that  these  trifles  make  a  large 
sum  in  the  course  of  a  year. 
25 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

In  a  word,  one  may  see  that  the 
mean  man's  money  chest  is 
mouldy  from  being  unopened, 
the  key  rusty,  his  cloak  too  scant 
to  reach  his  thigh  ;  that  he  uses 
a  mean  little  oil  jar,  has  his  hair 
cropped  to  the  scalp ;  he  does 
not  wear  his  boots  until  midday, 
and  charges  the  fuller  to  use 
plenty  of  earth  on  his  coat  to 
keep  it  from  soon  getting  soiled 
aeain. 


26 


s 


characters  of  Theophrastus 

IX  The  Stupid  Man 

(^Kvatcr6r)(TLa) 

TUPIDITY  one  may  define 
as  sluggishness  in  what  a  man 
says  or  does.  The  stupid 
man  computes  a  sum,  sets  down 
the  total,  and  then  asks  his  neigh- 
bor: "How  much  does  it  all 
make  ?  '*  When  he  is  defendant 
in  a  suit  and  should  go  to  court, 
he  forgets  all  about  it  and  puts 
off  to  his  farm.  When  he  goes 
to  a  play  at  the  theatre  he  is  the 
only  spectator  that  is  left  behind 
on  the  benches  asleep.  He  gets 
up  in  the  night  to  go  out,  after 
he  has  gorged  himself,  and  is 
bitten  by  the  neighbor's  dog. 
He  takes  a  thing  and  puts  it  away, 
but  when  he  comes  to  look  for  it 
he  cannot  find  it.  If  the  death 
of  a  friend  is  announced  to  him 
that  he  may  go  to  the  funeral, 
27 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

with  a  sorrowful  air  and  tears  in 
his  eyes  he  says  :  "  Thank  God  1 " 
When  he  goes  to  receive  pay- 
ment of  a  debt,  he  takes  witnesses 
with  him.  In  the  winter  season 
he  quarrels  with  his  slave  because 
cucumbers  have  not  been  provided. 
He  forces  his  children  to  wrestle 
and  to  run  until  they  fall  into 
a  fever.  When  he  is  roughing  it 
in  the  country  and  himself  cooks 
the  vegetables,  he  puts  salt  in  the 
pot  twice  and  so  makes  the  dish 
impossible.  When  it  rains  and 
others  declare  that  the  sky  is 
darker  than  pitch,  he  exclaims : 
"  How  sweet  it  is  to  consider  the 
stars  1 "  And  if  he  is  asked,  what 
is  the  mortality  of  the  city, — 
how  many  bodies  have  passed 
through  the  Sacred  Gates,  —  he 
replies :  "  Would  that  you  and  I 
had  as  many." 


28 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

X    The  Surly  Man 

(^AvddSeLo) 


S 


URLINESS  is  sullen  rudeness 
of  speech.  The  surly  man 
is  one  who,  when  you  ask 
him,  "Who  is  that  gentleman?" 
retorts  "  Don't  bother  me  !  "  and 
when  you  greet  him  on  the  street 
refuses  to  return  your  salutation. 
When  he  has  anything  for  sale, 
he  will  not  tell  the  purchaser 
what  he  charges,  but  instead  in- 
quires, "  How  much  do  I  get  for 
it?"  When  one  would  show  him 
some  attention  and  sends  him  a 
gift  for  the  holidays,  he  says  he 
is  not  in  need  of  presents. 

He  accepts  no  excuse  when  by  acci- 
dent you  smutch  his  clothes,  or 
push  against  him  in  a  crowd,  or 
chance  to  tread  upon  his  foot. 
If  you  ask  for  his  contribution  to 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

some  object,  he  refuses  to  make 
one,  though  afterwards  he  may- 
bring  it  around,  declaring,  how- 
ever, that  he 's  throwing  the 
money  away.  Sometimes  he 
stumbles  in  the  street,  and  then 
he  curses  the  stone  that  tripped 
him   up. 

And  he's  not  a  man  to  tarry  many 
minutes  for  a  friend  who  has 
an  appointment  with  him.  Sing- 
ing, declamation,  and  dancing  are 
amusements  for  which  he  has  no 
taste ;  and  it 's  exactly  like  him 
to  refuse  to  join  even  in  prayer 
to  the  gods. 


30 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XI  "The  Superstitious  Man 

(^AeccnBai/JLovLo) 

SUPERSTITION  Is  a  crouch- 
ing fear  of  unseen  powers. 
The  superstitious  man  is  the 
sort  of  person  who  begins  the 
day  only  after  he  has  sprinkled 
himself,  washed  his  hands  with 
holy  water,  and  taken  a  sprig  of 
laurel  in  his  mouth.  If  a  weasel 
cross  his  path,  he  will  not  got 
a  step  further  until  some  one 
else  has  crossed,  or  until  he  has 
thrown  three  stones  over  the  way. 
If  he  sees  a  snake  in  his  house, 
he  prays  to  Sabazius  ^  (provided 
it  is  a  copperhead)  or,  if  it  be 
a  sacred  serpent,  he  straightway 
builds  a  shrine  upon  the  spot. 

1  A  Thracian  and  Phrygian  deity,  whose  worship 
was  introduced  at  Athens  in  the  fifth  cen- 
tury. Sabazius  represented  the  active  powers 
of  nature,  and  hence  was  often  identified  with 
Dionysus. 

31 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

As  he  passes  by  the  consecrated 
stones  at  the  cross-roads,  he  pours 
oil  on  them  from  his  flask,  falls 
on  his  knees,  and  prays  before  he 
goes  further.  If  a  mouse  should 
gnaw  through  a  leather  flour-bag, 
he  goes  to  the  seer  and  asks  what 
he  shall  do.  If  the  seer  bids  him 
give  the  bag  to  the  cobbler  to  be 
sewn  up,  he  pays  no  heed  to 
him,  but  goes  his  way  and  offers 
up  the  bag  as  a  holy  sacrifice. 

He  is  given  to  purifying  his  house 
often  by  religious  rites  and  insists 
it  is  haunted  by  Hecate.     When  . 
he  takes  a  walk  and  hears  an  owl  ( 
hoot,  he  is  terrified  and  cries  out : 
"  Athena  !  thine  is  the  power  !  " 
and  so  walks   on.     He  wilLnot* 
step  on  a  grave,  nor  go  u£^  a  \ 
corpse,  nor  to  a  woman  in  con- 
finement, but  says  it  is  not  well 
to    risk    pollution.       He   orders 

-    his  domestics  to  mull  the  wine  on 
32 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

the  fourth  and  seventh  of  the 
month,  while  he  goes  out  and 
buys  myrtle,  incense,  and  holy 
cakes ;  on  his  return  he  spends 
the  livelong  day  in  crowning  the 
images  of  Hermaphroditus. 

When  he  has  had  a  vision,  he  goes 
to  the  soothsayer,  the  seer,  or  the 
augur,  to  ask  to  what  god  or 
goddess  he  must  pray.  He  goes 
to  the  Orphic  mysteries  to  be 
initiated  into  them.  You  will  be 
sure  to  find  him  amongst  the 
people  who  frequent  the  beach  to 
besprinkle  themselves.  Every 
month  he  goes  there  with  his 
wife,  or  if  his  wife  is  busy,  then 
with  the  nurse  and  children. 

If  he  observes  any  one  at  the  cross- 
roads crowned  with  garlic,  on  his 
return  he  washes  himself  from 
head  to  foot,  summons  a  priestess, 
and  gives  orders  to  celebrate  rites 
3  33 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

of  purification  either  with  an 
onion  or  a  small  dog.  When- 
ever he  sees  a  madman  or  an 
epileptic,  he  shakes  with  terror 
and  spits  in  his  bosom. 


34 


Characters  of  T'heophrastus 

XI I    The  Thankless  Man 

(M.efd.yjnfjLOLp  Co) 


T 


HANKLESSNESS  is  an 

improper  criticism  of  what 
one  receives.  The  thankless 
man,  when  a  friend  has  sent  him 
something  from  his  table,  says  to 
the  servant  who  brings  it,  "  He 
grudged  me  a  dish  of  soup  and  a 
cup  of  wine,  I  suppose,  and  so 
would  n't  invite  me  to  dinner." 
When  his  sweetheart  kisses  him, 
he  says,  "  I  wonder  if  you  really 
do  love  me  so  in  your  heart.** 

He  blames  Zeus,  not  for  raining, 
but  for  not  raining  before.  When 
he  picks  up  a  purse  in  the  street, 
he  says,  "  But  I  never  found  a 
treasure!**  If  he  secures  a  slave 
at  a  bargain  after  long  dickering 
with  the  owner,  he  says,  "  I  ima- 
gine I  haven*t  got  much  at  this 
35 


Characters  ofTheophrastus 

price."  To  the  person  who  brings 
the  glad  tidings  that  a  son  is  born 
to  him,  he  retorts,  "  If  you  only 
add,  '  And  half  your  fortune 's 
gone,'  you  '11  hit  it." 

When  he  wins  his  case  in  court  and 
secures  a  unanimous  verdict,  he 
abuses  his  attorney  for  having 
omitted  many  points  in  his  brief. 
When  his  friends  make  him  up  a 
purse,  and  wish  him  joy,  "  Why 
so  ?  "  he  exclaims.  "  Is  it  because 
I  shall  have  to  pay  you  all  back 
and  be  grateful  into  the  bargain, 
as  though  you  had  done  me  a 
favor  ? " 


36 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XIII  The  Suspicious  Man 

(^A-TnaTva) 


S 


USPICION  is  a  kind  of  belief 
that  everybody  is  fraudulent. 
The  suspicious  man  is  the  sort 
of  person  who  sends  a  servant  to 
market  and  then  sends  another 
to  watch  him  and  find  out  the 
price  he  pays.  When  he  carries 
the  money  himself,  he  sits  down 
every  hundred  yards  and  counts 
it  over.  Afters  he  is  in  bed  he 
asks  his  wife  whether  she  locked 
the  chest  and  shut  the  cupboard, 
and  whether  the  hall-door  bolt 
was  pushed  well  in.  If  she  an- 
swers "Yes !  "  he  gets  up,  never- 
theless, and  lights  a  lamp  ;  naked 
and  barefoot  he  goes  around 
and  examines  everything.  Even 
then  he  finds  it  hard  to  go  to 
sleep.  When  he  goes  to  collect 
interest,  he  takes  witnesses  along, 
2>7 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

lest  his  debtors  deny  the  claims. 
He  has  his  cloak  dyed,  not  by  the 
best  workman,  but  by  the  fuller 
who  can  furnish  good  security. 
If  any  one  asks  the  loan  of  a 
wine-set,  he  prefers  not  to  lend  it; 
but  if  a  member  of  his  family  or 
a  near  relative  wants  it,  he  makes 
the  loan ;  yet  he  scarcely  does 
so  until  he  has  had  it  assayed  and 
weighed  and  has  received  a  guar- 
antee for  its  safe  return.  He 
orders  his  footman  not  to  fall 
behind  him,  but  to  go  in  front  so 
that  by  watching  him  he  may  pre- 
vent his  running  away.  If  a  pur- 
chaser has  bought  goods  of  him 
and  says :  "  Charge  the  amount 
to  me ;  I  have  no  time  now  to 
send  the  money,"  he  replies : 
"  Do  not  trouble  yourself  about 
it ;  when  you  have  finished  your 
business,  I  will  go  with  you  and 
get  my  pay." 


38 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XIV    The   Disagreeable 
Man 

CA.r,S{a) 


D 


ISAGREEABLENESS  we 

may  define  as  a  kind  of 
conduct  which  is  annoying, 
although  it  may  not  be  injurious. 
The  disagreeable  man  will  go  to  a 
friend  and  wake  him  out  of  a 
sound  sleep  to  have  a  talk  with 
him.  He  detains  passengers  who 
are  on  the  point  of  embarking; 
others  who  have  come  to  see  him 
he  bids  wait  until  he  has  taken 
his  walk.  He  takes  the  baby 
^  from  its  nurse,  chews  its  food  for 
it  and  feeds  it,  dandles  it  on  his 
knee  while  he  cooes  to  it  and  calls 
"^  it  "Papa's  little  rascal!" 

At  table  he  tells  the  company  how 
he  once  took  hellebore  and  was 
39 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

physicked  through  and  through, 
and  how  his  bile  was  blacker 
than  the  soup  on  the  table.  And 
he  asks  before  the  family :  "  I 
say,  mammy,  what  day  was  it 
when  you  were  confined  and  I 
was  born  ? "  He  says  he  has 
cool  cistern  water  at  his  house 
and  a  garden  full  of  tender  vege- 
tables ;  that  his  cook  is  a  perfect 
chef^  and  that  his  house  is  a  regular 
hotel,  for  it  is  always  full  of  com- 
pany, and  his  guests  are  like  leaky 
sieves,  —  do  the  best  he  can,  it  is 
impossible  to  fill  them. 

When  he  gives  a  dinner  he  exhibits 
his  jester  and  shows  him  off  be- 
fore the  company.  To  enliven 
his  guests  over  their  cups,  he  says 
that  further  pleasures  have  been 
arranged  for  them. 


40 


Characters  of  Thepphrastus 

XV    The  Exquisite 

(MLKpO<j)L\OTlfJL{a) 


E 


XQUISITENESS  is  a  striving 
for  honor  in  small  things. 
The  exquisite  when  invited 
to  dinner,  is  eager  to  sit  by  his 
host.  When  he  cuts  off  his  son*s 
hair  for  an  offering  to  the  gods, 
no  place  but  Delphi  will  answer 
for  the  ceremony.  His  attendant 
must  be  an  Ethiopian.^  When 
he  pays  a  mina^  of  money  he 
makes  a  point  of  offering  a  freshly 
minted  piece.  If  he  has  a  pet 
daw  in  the  house,  he  must  needs 
buy  it  a  ladder  and  a  brazen 
shield,  that  the  daw  may  learn  to 
climb  the  ladder  carrying  the 
shield. 


1  Among  the    Athenians,    Ethiopian   slaves  were 

evidently  highly  prized. 

2  About  ^i8  of  our  money. 

41 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

When  he  has  sacrificed  an  ox,  he 
winds  the  head  and  horns  with 
fillets,  and  nails  them  up  opposite 
the  entrance,  in  order  that  those 
who  come  in  may  see  what  he 
has  been  doing.  When  he  pa- 
rades with  the  cavalry,  he  gives 
all  his  accoutrements  to  his  squire 
to  carry  home,  and  throwing  back 
his  mantle  stalks  proudly  about 
the  market-place  in  his  spurs. 
When  his  pet  dog  dies,  he  raises 
a  monument  to  the  creature,  and 
has  a  pillar  erected  with  the  in- 
scription :  "  Fido,  Pure  Mal- 
tese." ^  In  the  Asclepieion^  he 
dedicates  a  brazen  finger,^  pol- 
ishes it,  crowns  it  with  flowers, 
and  anoints  it  every  day  with 
oil. 


1  This  breed  of  dogs  is  still  known  to  dog-fanciers. 

^  The  temple  of  Asclepios  (Aesculapius). 

^  Fingers    or    hands    of    marble    or    metal    were 

common   among   the    Athenians    as    votive 

offerings. 

42 


characters  of  Theophrastus 

And  he  has  his  hair  cut  frequently. 
His  teeth  are  always  pearly  white. 
While  his  old  suit  is  still  good,  he 
gets  himself  a  new  one ;  and  he 
anoints  himself  with  the  choicest 
perfumes. 

In  the  agora  he  frequents  the  banker's 
counters.  If  he  visits  the  gym- 
nasia, he  selects  those  in  which 
the  ephebi^  practise;  and,  when 
there 's  a  play,  the  place  he 
chooses  in  the  theatre  is  close 
beside    the    generals. 

He  makes  few  purchases  for  himself, 
but  sends  presents  to  his  friends 
at  Byzantium,  and  Spartan  dogs 
to  Cyzicus,  and  Hymettian  honey 
to  Rhodes ;  and  when  he  does 
these  things,  he  tells  it  about  the 
town.     Naturally,  his   taste  runs 

^  Young  men  between  eighteen  and  twenty  years 
of  age,  who  were  in  training  for  the  duties  of 
citizenship. 

43 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

to  pet  monkeys,  parrots,  Sicilian 
doves,  gazelles*  knuckle-bones, 
Thurian  jars,  crooked  canes  from 
Sparta,  hangings  inwrought  with 
Persian  figures,  a  wrestling-ring 
sprinkled  with  sand,  and  a  tennis- 
court.  He  goes  around  and  offers 
this  arena  to  philosophers,  soph- 
ists, fighters,  and  musicians,  for 
their  exhibitions  ;  and  at  the  per- 
formances he  himself  comes  in 
last  of  all,  that  the  spectators 
may  say  to  one  another,  "  That 's 
the  gentleman  to  whom  the  place 
belongs.'* 

And,  of  course,  when  he  is  a  prytanis  ^ 
he  demands  of  his  colleagues  the 
privilege  of  announcing  to  the 
people  the  result  of  the  sacrifice ; 
then  putting  on  a  fine  garment 
and  a  garland  of  flowers,  he  ad- 

*  One  of  the  committee  of  fifty  which,  in  rotation, 
were  charged  with  the  administration  of  affairs 
at  Athens. 

44 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

varices  and  says :  "  O  men  of 
Athens,  we  prytanes  have  made 
sacrifice  to  the  mother  of  the 
gods ;  ^  the  sacrifice  is  fair  and 
good.  Receive  ye  each  your  por- 
tion." When  he  has  made  this 
announcement,  he  returns  home 
and  tells  his  wife  all  about  it  in 
an  ecstasy  of  joy.^ 

L  Cybele. 

''  A  portion  of  Character  XIX  has  been  incorpo- 
rated here,  as  belonging  more  fitly  in  this 
connection. 


45 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XVI  The  Garrulous  Man 


G 


ARRULITY  Is  incessant 
heedless  talk.  Your  garru- 
lous man  is  one,  for  instance, 
who  sits  down  beside  a  stranger, 
and  after  recounting  the  virtues 
of  his  wife  tells  the  dream  he  had 
last  night,  and  everything  he 
ate  for  supper.  Then,  if  his 
efforts  seem  to  meet  with  favor, 
he  goes  on  to  declare  that  the 
present  age  is  sadly  degenerate, 
says  wheat  is  selling  very  low, 
that  hosts  of  strangers  are  in 
town,  and  that  since  the  Dionysia^ 
the  weather  is  good  again  for 
shipping ;  and  that,  if  Zeus  would 
only  send  more  rain,  the  crops 
would  be  much  heavier,  and  that 
he 's  proposing    to  have  a  farm 

1  The  festival  of  Dionysus. 

46 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

himself  next  year  ;  and  that  life  's 
a  constant  struggle,  and  that  at 
the  Mysteries  ^  Damippus  set  up 
an  enormous  torch ;^  and  tells  how 
many  columns  the  Odeon  has, 
and  "  Yesterday,''  says  he,  "  I  had 
an  awful  turn  with  my  stomach," 
and  "  What  day  's  to-day  ?  "  and 
"  In  Boedromion  ^  come  the  Mys- 
teries, and  in  Pyanopsion^  the 
Apaturia,  and  in  Poseideon^  the 
country  Dionysia,'*  and  so  on ; 
for,  unless  you  refuse  to  listen, 
he  never  stops. 

The   religious    celebration     held    in    honor    of 

Demeter  (Ceres). 
Ancient  works  of  art  often  exhibit  representations 

of  votive  torches.      They  are  usually  depicted 

as  wound  with  serpents. 
Various  months  of  the  Attic  year. 


47 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XVII    The  Bore 

(AaXta) 

WE  may  define  a  bore  as  a 
man  who  cannot  refrain 
from  talking.  A  bore  is 
the  sort  of  fellow  who,  the  mo- 
ment you  open  your  mouth,  tells 
you  that  your  remarks  are  idle, 
that  he  knows  all  about  it,  and  if 
you  *11  only  listen,  you  *11  soon 
find  it  out.  As  you  attempt  to 
make  answer,  he  suddenly  breaks 
in  with  such  interruptions  as : 
"  Don't  forget  what  you  were 
about  to  say"  —  "That  reminds 
\  me" — "What  an  admirable  thing 
talk  is  !  "  —  "  But,  as  I  omitted  to 
mention  "  —  "  You  grasp  the  idea 
at  once "  —  "I  was  watching  this 
long  time  to  see  whether  you 
would  come  to  the  same  conclu- 
sion as  myself."  In  phrases  like 
this  he  's  so  fertile  that  the  person 
48 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

,  who  happens  to  meet  him  cannot 
even  open  his  mouth  to  speak. 

When  he  has  vanquished  a  few  stray- 
victims  here  and  there,  his  next 
move  is  to  advance  upon  whole 
companies  and  put  them  to  flight 
in  the  midst  of  their  occupations. 
He  goes  upon  the  wrestling 
ground  or  into  the  schools,  and 
prevents  the  boys  from  making 
progress  with  their  lessons,  so 
incessant  is  his  talk  with  the 
teachers  and  the  wrestling-masters. 

If  you  say  you  are  going  home,  he  's 
pretty  sure  to  come  along  and 
escort  you  to  your  house. 

Whenever  he  learns  the  day  set  for 
the  session  of  the  Assembly  he 
noises  it  diligently  abroad,  and 
recalls  Demosthenes*s  famous  bout 
with  Aeschines  in  the  archon- 
ship  of  Aristophon.  He  mentions, 
too,  his  own  humble  effort  on  a 
4  49 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

certain  occasion,  and  the  approval 
which  it  won  among  the  people. 
As  he  rattles  on  he  launches  in- 
vectives against  the  masses,  in 
such  fashion  that  his  audience 
either  becomes  oblivious  or  begins 
to  doze,  or  else  melts  away  in  the 
midst  of  his  harangue. 

When  he 's  on  a  jury  he 's  an  ob- 
stacle to  reaching  a  verdict,  when 
he's  in  the  theatre  he  prevents 
attention  to  the  play ;  at  a  feast 
he  hinders  eating,  remarking  that 
silence  is  too  much  of  an  effort, 
that  his  tongue  is  hung  in  the 
middle,  and  that  he  could  n't 
keep  still,  even  though  he  should 
seem  a  worse  chatterer  than  a 
magpie ;  and  when  he  's  made  a 
butt  by  his  own  children,  he  sub- 
mits, —  when  in  their  desire  to 
go  to  sleep  they  say,  "  Papa,  tell 
us  something,  in  order  that  sleep 
may  come." 

50 


characters  of  Theophrastus 

XVIII    The  Rough 

(^Attovolo) 

ROUGHNESS  is  coarse  con- 
duct, whether  in  word  or  act. 
The  rough  takes  an  oath 
lightly  and  is  insensible  to  insult 
and  ready  to  give  it.  In  char- 
acter he  is  a  sort  of  town  bully, 
obscene  in  manner,  ready  for  any- 
thing and  everything.  He  is 
willing,  sober  and  without  a  mask, 
to  dance  the  vulgar  cordax^  in 
comic  chorus.  At  a  show  he  goes 
around  from  man  to  man  and 
collects  the  pennies,  quarrelling 
with  the  spectators  who  present 
a  pass  and  therefore  insist  on 
seeing  the  performance  free. 

He  is    the  sort  of  man    to   keep    a 
hostelry,  ^  or  brothel,  or  to  farm 

1  A  lewd  dance. 

2  Inn-keepers  were  In  ill-repute  in  antiquity. 

51 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

the  taxes.  There  is  no  business 
he  considers  beneath  him,  but  he 
is  ready  to  follow  the  trade  of 
crier,  cook,  or  gambler.  He  does 
\  not  support  his  mother,  is  caught 
at  theft  and  spends  more  time 
in  jail  than  in  his  home.  He  is 
the  type  of  man  who  collects  a 
crowd  of  bystanders  and  ha- 
rangues them  in  a  loud  brawling 
voice ;  while  he  is  talking,  some 
are  going  and  others  coming,  with- 
out listening  to  him ;  to  one  part 
of  the  moving  crowd  he  tells  the 
beginning  of  his  story,  to  another 
part  a  sketch  of  it,  and  to  another 
part  a  mere  fragment.  He  regards 
a  holiday  as  the  fittest  time  for  the 
full  exhibition  of  his  roughness. 

He  is  a  great  figure  in  the  courts 
as  plaintiff  or  defendant.  Some- 
times he  excuses  himself  on  oath 
from  trial  but  later  he  appears 
with  a  bundle  of  papers  in  the 
52 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

breast  of  his  cloak,  and  a  file  of 
documents  in  his  hands.  He  en- 
joys the  role  of  generalissimo  in 
a  band  of  rowdy  loafers  ;  he  lends 
his  followers  money  and  on  every 
shilling  collects  a  penny  interest 
per  day.  He  visits  the  bake- 
shops,  the  markets  for  fresh  and 
pickled  fish,  collects  his  tribute 
from  them,  and  stuffs  it  in  his 
cheek. 


S3 


Characters  of  "Theophrastus 

XIX    The  Affable  Man 

(^ApeaKeLo) 


A 


FFABILITY  is  a  sort  of 
demeanor  that  gives  pleas- 
ure at  the  sacrifice  of  what 
is  best.  The  affable  man  is  the 
kind  of  person  who  hails  a  friend 
at  a  distance,  and  after  he  has 
told  him  what  a  fine  fellow  he  is, 
and  has  lavished  brimming  ad- 
miration on  him,  seizes  both  his 
hands,  and  is  unwilling  to  let 
him  go.  He  escorts  the  friend  a 
step  on  his  way,  and  as  he  asks 
"  When  shall  we  meet  again  ?  " 
tears  himself  away  with  praises 
still  falling  from  his  lips. 

When  summoned  to  court  he  wishes 
to  please  not  merely  the  man  in 
whose  interest  he  appears,  but  his 
adversary  too,  that  he  may  seem 
to  be  non-partisan  ;  and  of  stran- 
54 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

gers  he  says  that  they  pronounce 
juster  judgment  than  his  towns- 
men. If  he's  invited  out  to 
dinner  he  asks  his  host  to  call  in 
the  children,  and  when  they  come, 
he  declares  they  're  as  like  their 
father  as  one  fig  is  like  another, 
and  he  draws  them  toward  him, 
kisses  them,  and  sets  them  by  his 
side.  Sometimes  he  joins  in  their 
sports,  shouting  "  Strike  ! "  and 
"Foul!";  and  sometimes  he  lets 
them  go  to  sleep  in  his  lap  in 
spite  of  the  burden.-^ 

1  The  remainder  of  the  Greek  text  of  this  char- 
acter has  been  thought  to  belong  more 
properly  with  <<The  Exquisite,''  No.  XV. 


55 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XX    "The  Impudent  Man 

(BSeXvpca) 


I 


MPUDENCE  is  easy  to  define; 
it  is  conduct  that  is  obtrusively 
offensive.  The  impudent  man 
is  one  who,  on  meeting  respect- 
able women  in  the  street,  insults 
them  as  he  passes.  At  a  play,  he 
claps  his  hands  after  all  the  rest 
have  stopped,  and  hisses  the  play- 
ers when  others  wish  to  watch  in 
silence.  When  the  theatre  is  still, 
he  suddenly  stands  up  and  dis- 
gorges, to  make  the  audience  look 
around.  When  the  market-place 
is  crowded,  he  steps  up  to  the 
stalls  where  nuts,  myrtle-berries, 
or  fruits  are  for  sale,  and  begins  to 
pick  at  them  as  he  talks  to  the 
merchant;  he  calls  by  name 
people  whom  he  does  n't  know, 
and  stops  those  intent  upon  some 
errand.  When  a  man  has  just 
56 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

lost  an  important  case  and  is  now 
leaving  the  court,  he  runs  up  and 
tenders  his  congratulations. 

He  buys  his  own  provisions,^  too,  and 
hires  his  own  musicians,  showing 
his  purchases  to  every  man  he 
meets  and  inviting  him  to  come 
and  share  the  feast.  Again,  he 
takes  his  stand  before  a  barber's 
booth  or  a  perfumer's  stall,  and 
proclaims  unblushingly  his  in- 
tention of  getting  drunk. 

1  To  do  one's  own  marketing  was  considered  a 
sign  of  niggardliness;  hence  such  business 
was  ordinarily  delegated  to  slaves. 


57 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXI    The  Gross  Man 


G 


ROSSNESS  is  such  neglect 
of  one's  person  as  gives  of- 
fence to  others.  The  gross 
man  is  one  who  goes  about  with 
an  eczema,  or  white  eruption,  or 
diseased  nails,  and  says  that  these 
are  congenital  ailments ;  for  his 
father  had  them,  and  his  grand- 
father, too,  and  it  would  be  hard 
—  to  foist  an  outsider  upon  their 
family.  He  's  very  apt  to  have 
sores  on  his  shins  and  bruises  on 
his  toes,  and  to  neglect  these 
things  so  that   they  grow  worse. 

His  armpits  are  hairy  like  an  an- 
imal's for  a  long  distance  down 
his  sides  ;  his  teeth  are  black  and 
decayed.  As  he  eats,  he  blows 
his  nose  with  his  fingers.  As  he 
talks,  he  drools,  and  has  no  sooner 
58 


characters  of  Theophrastus 

drunk  wine  than  up  it  comes. 
After  bathing  he  uses  rancid  oil 
to  anoint  himself;  and  when  he 
goes  to  the  market-place,  he 
wears  a  thick  tunic  and  a  thin 
outer  garment  disfigured  with 
spots  of  dirt. 

When  his  mother  goes  to  consult 
the  soothsayer,  he  utters  words 
of  evil  omen  ;  and  when  people 
pray  and  offer  sacrifices  to  the  gods 
he  lets  the  goblet  fall,  laughing 
as  though  he  had  done  something 
amusing.  When  there  's  playing 
on  the  flute,  he  alone  of  the  com- 
pany claps  his  hands,  singing  an 
accompaniment  and  upbraiding 
the  musician  for  stopping  so  soon. 

Often  he  tries  to  spit  across  the 
table,  —  only  to  miss  the  mark 
and  hit  the  butler. 


59 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXII    The  Boor 

QKripoiKia) 


B 


OORISHNESS  is  ignorance 
of  good  form.  The  boor  is 
the  sort  of  man  who  takes 
a  strong  drink  and  then  goes  to 
the  Assembly.  He  insists  that 
myrrh  has  not  a  whit  sweeter 
smell  than  onions.  His  boots 
are  too  big  for  his  feet  and  he 
talks  in  a  loud  voice. 

He  distrusts  even  friends  and  kins- 
men, while  his  most  important 
secrets  are  shared  with  his  do- 
mestics, and  he  tells  all  the  news 
of  the  Assembly  to  his  farm 
hands.  Nothing  awakens  his  ad- 
miration or  startles  him  on  the 
streets  so  much  as  the  sight  of 
an  ox,  an  ass,  or  a  goat,  and  then 
he  stands  agape  in  contemplation.^ 

^   *'  Hee  is  sensible  of  no  calamitie  but  the  burn- 
ing of  a  stacke  of  come  or  the  overflowing 
60 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

He  Is  the  sort  of  man  who 
snatches  a  bite  from  the  pantry 
and  drinks  his  liquor  straight. 

He  has  clandestine  talks  with  the 
cook  and  helps  her  grind  the  meal 
for  his  household.  At  breakfast 
he  throws  bits  to  the  animals 
about  the  table.  He  answers  the 
knock  at  the  door  himself  and 
then  whistles  for  his  dog,  takes 
him  by  the  nose,  and  says: 
"  Here  's  the  keeper  of  my  house 
and  grounds !  "  When  a  man 
offers  him  a  coin  he  declines  it, 
saying  it  is  too  worn,  and  takes 
another  piece  in  its  stead. 

After  loaning  a  plough,  basket,  sickle, 
or  sack,  he  goes  after  it,  unable 
to  sleep  for  thinking  of  it.  When 
he  goes  to   town   he  inquires  of 

of  a  medow,  and  thinks  Noah's  flood  the 
greatest  plague  that  ever  was,  not  be- 
cause it  drowned  the  world,  but  spoyl'd  the 
grasse."  Earle's  Micro-cosmographiey  "  A 
Plaine  Country  Fellow." 
6i 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

any  chance  passer-by :  "  What 
are  hides  selling  for  ?  What 's 
the  price  of  bacon  ?  Does  the 
celebration  of  New  Moon  come 
to-day  ?  "  Then  he  remarks  he 
must  go  down  street  and  have 
his  hair  cut,  and  while  in  town 
must  also  run  into  the  shop  of 
Archias  and  buy  the  bacon.  He 
sings  in  the  public  baths  and 
wears  hob-nailed  boots. 


62 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 


XXI 1 1  The  Penurious  Man 

(^A-vekevdepCa) 

PENURIOUSNESS  is  the 
grudging  of  expense  and  is 
due  to  great  love  of  money 
and  little  love  of  honor.  The 
penurious  man,  after  a  victory  on 
the  tragic  stage,  sets  up  a  wooden 
chaplet  to  Dionysus,  on  which  he 
inscribes  his  own  name.  If  con- 
tributions from  the  public  are 
asked  for,  he  is  silent  or  rises  and 
quits  the  company.  When  he 
gives  his  daughter  in  marriage,  he 
sells  the  sacrificial  oflFerings,  ex- 
cepting the  parts  that  belong  by 
law  to  the  priests.  At  the  wed- 
ding, he  employs  only  servants 
who  will  eat  at  home. 

As    trierarch  ^   he    takes    the    pilot's 
blankets    and    spreads    them    on 

1  Commander  of  a  galley. 

63 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

deck  for  himself,  while  he  puts 
his  own  away.  He  is  the  sort  of 
man  who  keeps  his  children  from 
school  when  a  festival  comes,  and 
makes  excuses  for  them  on  the 
plea  of  ill-health,  that  he  may- 
avoid  the  fee  for  tuition. 

When  he  goes  to  market,  he  brings 
the  meat  home  with  him,  carry- 
ing the  vegetables  in  the  folds  of 
his  cloak.  He  stays  indoors 
when  he  sends  his  tunic  to  the 
cleaner.  If  he  catches  sight  of  a 
friend  coming  towards  him  and 
soliciting  contributions,  he  sneaks 
off  through  a  by-street  and  goes 
home  by  a  roundabout  way.  He 
employs  no  maid  for  his  wife, 
although  she  brought  him  a 
dowry,  but  hires  a  child  from  the 
woman's  market  to  accompany 
her  on  her  errands. 

He  keeps  his  patched  shoes  until  they 
are  twice  worn  out,  saying  they 
64 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

are  still  good,  and  tough  as  horn. 
When  he  gets  up,  he  dusts  the 
house  and  makes  the  beds,  and 
when  he  sits  down  he  lays  aside 
the  coat  he  is  wearing  in  order 
to  spare  it. 


65 


Characters  of  "Theophrastus 

XXIV  The  Pompous  Man 

POMPOUSNESS  is  contempt 
for  everybody  save  one's  self. 
If  you  have  urgent  business, 
the  pompous  man  will  tell  you 
that  he  will  meet  you  after  dinner 
on  his  walk.  If  he  has  done  you  a 
favor,  he  reminds  you  of  it.  When 
elected  to  office  he  declines,  say- 
ing under  oath  he  has  no  leisure. 
He  is  not  disposed  to  make  the 
first  call  on  anybody.  Trades- 
men and  hired  men  he  orders  to 
come  to  him  by  daybreak. 

As  he  passes  along  the  street,  he  does 
not  greet  the  men  he  meets ;  he 
lowers  his  eyes  and  when  it  suits 
him  raises  them  again.  If  he 
entertains  friends  he  does  not  dine 
with  them,  but  instructs  some  of 
his  underlings  to  attend  to  the 
duties  of  entertainment. 
66 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

He  sends  a  messenger  ahead  when 
he  makes  a  call,  to  say  that  he 
approaches.  He  allows  no  one 
to  enter  while  he  is  at  his  oil-rub, 
his  bath,  or  his  dinner.  When 
he  is  casting  an  account,  he  in- 
structs a  slave  to  set  down  the 
items,  foot  up  the  total,  and  ar- 
range it  in  a  statement  for  him. 
He  does  not  write  in  a  letter: 
"  You  would  do  me  a  favor,"  but 
"  I  want  this  done,"  and  "  I  have 
sent  for  this  and  wish  to  have  it," 
and  "  See  to  it  that  my  orders  are 
followed  precisely,"  and  "  Have 
this  done  immediately." 


67 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXV   The  Braggart 

(^  AXa^oveCd) 


B 


RAGGING  is  pretending  to 
have  excellences  that  one 
does  not  really  possess.  The 
braggart  is  the  man  who  stands 
on  the  wharf  and  tells  the  by- 
standers how  much  capital  he 
has  invested  in  ships  at  sea,  and 
tells  how  extensive  is  his  busi- 
ness of  loaning  money,  and  how 
much  he  has  made  and  lost  by 
different  ventures.  As  he  talks 
thus  magnificently,  he  sends  his 
slave  to  his  banker,  where  he  has 
—  exactly  one  shilling  to  his 
credit.  On  a  journey  he  imposes 
on  his  travelling  companion  by 
telling  him  that  he  once  served 
with  Alexander,  and  how  intimate 
were  their  relations,  and  how 
many  jewelled  cups  he  brought 
back  from  his  campaigns. 
68 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

As  regards  the  Asiatic  artists,  he 
counts  them  better  than  those  in 
Europe.  And  all  this  he  tells 
you  without  having  once  set  foot 
outside  his  native  city.  He  claims 
further  to  have  three  letters  from 
Antipater^  bidding  him  come  to 
Macedonia;  but  he  declares  that, 
though  he  has  been  guaranteed  the 
privilege  of  exporting  wood  free 
of  duty,  he  has  refused  to  go,  sim- 
ply to  avoid  being  suspected  by 
his  fellow-citizens  of  foreign  lean- 
ings. The  Macedonians,  he  says, 
in  urging  him  so  to  come,  ought 
to  have  considered  this  point. 

In  time  of  famine,  he  says,  his  expen- 
ditures for  the  poor  amounted  to 
over  five  talents ;  for  he  had  n't  the 
heart  to  refuse.  When  he 's  with 
strangers,  he  often  bids  some  one 
place  the  reckoning  counters   on 

1  A  general  of   Alexander.      Upon  Alexander's 
death  he  became  king  of  Macedonia. 
69 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

the  table,  and  computing  by  six 
hundreds  and  by  minae,  glibly 
mentioning  the  names  of  his  pre- 
tended debtors,  he  makes  a  total  of 
twenty-four  talents,  saying  that  the 
whole  sum  had  gone  for  voluntary 
contributions,  and  that,  too,  with- 
out including  subscriptions  for  the 
navy  or  for  other  public  objects. 

At  times  he  goes  to  the  horse- 
market  where  blooded  stock  is 
for  sale,  and  makes  pretence  of 
wanting  to  buy ;  and  stepping 
up  to  the  block,  he  hunts 
his  clothes  for  two  talents,  up- 
braiding his  servant  for  com- 
ing along  without  any  money. 
Though  he  lives  in  a  rented 
house,  he  represents  it  to  those 
who  do  not  know  as  the  family 
homestead ;  yet  adds  that  he 
thinks  of  selling  it  as  being  too 
small  for  the  proper  entertain- 
ment of  his  friends. 
70 


o 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXVI    "The  Oligarch 

LIGARCHY  IS  a  love  of 
power  that  clings  tightly  to 
personal  advantage.  The 
oligarch  rises  in  the  people's 
councils,  when  assistants  to  the 
archon  are  elected  for  the  man- 
agement of  a  fete,  and  says : 
"  These  men  must  have  absolute 
control."  And  although  others 
have  suggested  ten,  he  insists 
that  one  is  enough,  but  he  must 
be  a  man.  The  only  line  of 
Homer  that  stays  in  his  memory 
is :  "  A  crowd's  rule  is  bad ;  let 
there  be  one  ruler."  He  knows 
no  other  verse.  He  is,  however, 
an  adept  at  such  phrases  as  this  : 
"We  must  hold  a  caucus  and 
make  our  plans ;  we  must  cut 
loose  from  mob  and  market ;  we 
must  throw  aside  the  annoyance 
71 


Characters  of  "Theophrastus 

of  petty  office  and  of  insult  or 
honor  at  the  masses'  whim  ;  we 
or  they  must  rule  the  state." 

At  midday  he  goes  out  with  his 
mantle  thrown  about  him,  his 
hair  dressed  in  the  mode  and  his 
nails  fashionably  trimmed ;  he 
promenades  down  Odeon  Way 
ejaculating  :  "  Sycophants  have 
made  the  city  no  longer  habit- 
able. What  outrages  we  endure 
in  court  from  our  persecutors ! 
Why  men  nowadays  go  into  office, 
is  a  marvel  to  me.  How  un- 
grateful the  mob  is  !  although 
one  is  always  giving,  giving." 

If,  at  the  Assembly,  a  naked, 
hungry  vagabond  sits  next  to 
him,  he  complains  of  the  out- 
rage. "When,"  he  asks,  "is  a 
stop  to  be  put  to  this  ruin  of 
our  property  by  taxation  for  fetes 
and  navy  ?  How  odious  is  this 
crew  'of  demagogues !  The- 
72 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

seus,"  he  says,  "  was  the  fore- 
front of  all  this  offending,  for 
out  of  twelve  cities,  he  brought 
the  masses  into  one,  to  overthrow 
the  monarchies.  He  met  his 
just  reward, —  he  was  the  first 
to  fall  a  victim  at  their  hands/' 
This  is  the  way  he  talks  to  for- 
eigners and  to  citizens  of  his  own 
temper  and  party. 


73 


characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXVII    The  Backbiter 


B 


ACKBITING  is  a  disposition^ 
to  vilify  others.  When 
the  backbiter  is  asked 
"  Who  is  so  and  so  ?"  he  begins, 
like  the  genealogists,  with  the 
man's  ancestry.  "  His  father's 
name  was  originally  Sosias  ,  ^  but 
amongst  the  soldiers  it  became 
Sosistratus,  and  upon  registra- 
tion in  the  deme,  it  was  again 
changed  to  Sosidemus.  His 
mother  was  a  Thracian,  —  gentle 
blood  !  you  see.  At  any  rate  this 
jewel's  name  was  Krinokoraka. 
Women  of  that  name  are  of  gentle 
blood  in  Thrace,  so  people  say ! 

^  **  Scandal,  like  other  virtues,  is  in  part  its  own 
reward,  as  it  gives  us  the  satisfaction  of  mak- 
ing ourselves  appear  better  than  others,  or 
others  no  better  than  ourselves."  Benj. 
Franklin,    Works,  ed.  Sparks,  II.,  p.  540. 

2  Apparently  a  slave's  name. 
74 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

The  man  himself,  with  an  ancestry 
like  that,  is  a  foul  fellow  fit  for 
the  whipping-post."  In  a  com- 
pany where  his  companions  are 
maligning  a  man,  he  of  course 
takes  up  the  attack  and  says : 
"  For  my  part  I  hate  him  of  all 
men.  He  is  a  bad  character,  as 
one  may  see  from  his  face,  and 
as  for  his  meanness,  it  has  no 
parallel  and  here  is  a  proof:  His 
wife  brought  him  a  dowry  of 
talents  of  money  and  yet  after  the 
birth  of  their  first  child,  he  gave 
her  but  three  pence  a  day  for 
household  expenses  and  forced 
her  to  bathe  in  cold  water  on  the 
festival  of  Poseidon  in  mid- 
winter." When  he  is  seated 
with  a  group,  he  loves  to  talk 
about  an  acquaintance  who  has 
just  risen  and  gone,  and  his  biting 
tongue  does  not  spare  even  the 
man's  kinsfolk.  Of  his  own  rela- 
tives and  friends,  he  says  the 
75 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

vilest  things  and  even  maligns 
the  dead.  Backbiting  is  what  he 
calls  frankness  of  speech,  democ- 
racy, and  freedom  ;  and  there  is 
nothing  he  enjoys  so  much. 


76 


A 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXVIII  The   Avaricious 
Man 

VARICE  Is  greedy  love  of 
gain.  When  the  avaricious 
man  gives  a  dinner,  he  puts 
scant  allowance  of  bread  on  the 
table.  He  borrows  money  of  a 
stranger  who  is  lodging  with  him. 
When  he  distributes  the  portions 
at  table,  he  says  it  is  fair  for  the 
laborer  to  receive  double  and 
straightway  loads  his  own  plate. 
He  engages  in  wine  traffic,  and 
sells  adulterated  liquors  even  to 
his  friend.  He  goes  to  the  show 
and  takes  his  children  with  him, 
on  the  days  when  spectators  are 
admitted  to  the  galleries  free. 
When  he  is  the  people*s  delegate, 
he  leaves  at  home  the  money  pro- 
vided by  the  city,  and  borrows 
from  his  fellow  commissioners. 
77 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

He  loads  more  luggage  on  his 
porter  than  the  man  can  carry, 
and  provides  him  with  the 
smallest  rations  of  any  man  in 
the  party.  When  presents  are 
given  the  delegates  by  foreign 
courts,  he  demands  his  share  at 
once,  and  sells  it.  At  the  bath 
he  says  the  oil  brought  him  is 
bad,  and  shouts :  "  Boy,  the  oil 
is  rancid ;  '*  and  in  its  stead  takes 
what  belongs  to  another.  If  his 
servants  find  money  on  the  high- 
way, he  demands  a  share  of  it, 
saying :  "  Luck's  gifts  are  com- 
mon property.'*  When  he  sends 
his  cloak  to  be  cleaned,  he  bor- 
rows another  from  an  acquain- 
tance and  keeps  it  until  it  is 
asked  for.  He  also  does  this 
sort  of  thing  :  he  uses  King  Fru- 
gal's  measure  with  the  bottom 
dented  in,  for  doling  out  supplies 
to  his  household  and  then  se- 
cretly brushes  off  the  top.  He 
78 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

sells  underweight  even  to  his 
friend,  who  thinks  he  is  buying 
according  to  market  standard. 

When  he  pays  a  debt  of  thirty 
pounds,  he  does  so  with  a  dis- 
count of  four  shillings.  When, 
owing  to  sickness,  his  children 
are  not  at  school  the  entire  month, 
he  deducts  a  proportionate 
amount  from  the  teacher's  pay ; 
and  during  the  month  of  Anthes- 
terion  he  does  not  send  them  to 
their  studies  at  all,  on  account  of 
the  frequent  shows,  and  so  he 
avoids  tuition  fees.  If  he  re- 
ceives coppers  from  a  slave  who 
has  been  serving  out,  he  demands 
in  addition  the  exchange  value 
of  silver.  When  he  gets  a  state- 
ment from  the  deme's^  adminis- 
trator, he  demands  provision  for 
his  slaves  at  public  cost. 

1  The  deme  was  a  local  division. 
79 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

He  makes  note  of  the  half- radishes 
left  on  the  table,  to  keep  the 
servants  from  taking  them.  If 
he  goes  abroad  with  friends,  he 
uses  their  servants  and  hires  his 
own  out;  yet  he  does  not  con- 
tribute to  the  common  fund  the 
money  thus  received.  When 
others  combine  with  him  to  give 
a  banquet  at  his  house,  he  se- 
cretly includes  in  his  account  the 
wood,  figs,  vinegar,  salt,  and 
lamp-oil,  —  trifles  furnished  from 
his  supplies.  If  a  marriage  is 
announced  in  a  friend's  family, 
he  goes  away  a  little  beforehand, 
to  avoid  sending  a  wedding  pres- 
ent. He  borrows  of  friends 
such  articles  as  they  would  not 
ask  to  have  returned,  or  such  as, 
if  returned,  they  would  not  read- 
ily accept. 


80 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 


XXIX  The  Late  Learner 

THE  late  learner  has  a  fond- 
ness for  study  late  in  life. 
He  commits  whole  passages 
of  poetry  to  memory  when  sixty 
years  of  age  ;  but  when  he  essays 
to  quote  them  at  a  banquet  his 
memory  trips.  From  his  son, 
he  learns  "  Forward  march  !  " 
"  Shoulder  arms  ! "  "  'Bout  face  !  " 
At  the  feast  of  heroes  he 
pits  himself  against  the  boys 
in  the  torch-race ;  and  of  course 
when  he  is  invited  to  the 
temple  of  Hercules,  he  throws 
aside  his  mantle,  and  makes 
ready  to  lift  the  steer,  that  he 
may  bend  back  its  neck.  He 
goes  to  the  wrestling-grounds 
and  joins  in  the  matches. 
6  8i 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

At  the  shows  he  stays  one  perform- 
ance after  another  until  he  has 
learned  the  songs  by  heart.  If 
he  is  dedicated  to  Sabazius,  he  is 
eager  to  be  declared  the  fairest ; 
if  he  falls  in  love  with  some  dam- 
sel, he  makes  an  onset  on  her 
door,  only  to  be  assaulted  by  a 
rival  and  hauled  before  the  court. 
He  makes  a  trip  to  the  country 
on  a  mare  he  has  never  before 
ridden,  and,  essaying  feats  of 
horsemanship  on  the  road,  he 
falls  and  breaks  his  head. 

He  joins  a  boys*  club  too,  and  en- 
tertains the  members  at  his  house  ; 
he  plays  "  ducks  and  drakes " 
with  his  servant,  and  competes 
at  archery  and  javelin-throwing 
with  his  children's  tutor,  and  he 
expects  the  tutor,  as  though  ig- 
norant of  these  sports,  to  learn 
them  from  him.  He  wrestles  at 
the  baths,  turning  a  bench  nimbly 
82 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

about  to  create  the  impression 
that  he  has  been  well  trained  in 
the  art ;  and  if  women  happen  to 
be  standing  near,  he  trips  a  dance, 
whistling  his  own  music. 


S3 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

XXX  The    Vicious  Man 

{^LXoTTOvrjpia) 


V 


ICIOUSNESS  is  love  of 
what  is  bad.  The  vicious 
man  is  one  who  associates 
with  men  convicted  in  public 
suits,  and  who  assumes  that,  if 
he  makes  friends  of  these  fellows, 
he  will  gain  in  knowledge  of  the 
world,  and  so  will  be  more  feared. 

Of  upright  men,  he  declares  that 
no  one  is  by  nature  upright, 
but  that  all  men  are  alike,  and 
he  even  reproaches  the  man 
who  is  honorable.  The  bad 
man,  he  asserts,  is  free  from 
prejudice,  if  one  will  but  make 
the  trial,  and,  while  in  some 
respects  he  admits  that  men  speak 
truly  of  such  a  man,  in  others 
he  refuses  to  allow  it.  "  For,'* 
says  he,  "  the  fellow  is  clever, 
84 


Characters  of  Theophrastus 

companionable,  and  a  gentleman;" 
in  fact,  he  maintains  that  he  never 
met  so  talented  a  person.  He 
supports  him,  therefore,  when  he 
speaks  in  the  assembly  or  is  de- 
fendant in  court,  and  to  those 
sitting  in  judgment  he 's  apt  to 
say  that  one  must  judge  not  the 
man,  but  the  facts ;  and  he  de- 
clares that  his  friend  is  the  very 
watch-dog  of  the  people,  "  for  he 
watches  out  for  evil-doers  "  ;  and 
he  adds :  "  We  shall  no  longer 
have  men  to  burden  themselves 
with  a  care  for  the  common  weal, 
if  we  abandon  men  like  him." 

It's  the  vicious  man's  way  to 
constitute  himself  the  patron  of 
all  worthless  scamps  and  to  sup- 
port them  before  the  court  in  des- 
perate cases ;  and,  when  he  passes 
judgment,  he  puts  the  worst  con- 
struction on  the  arguments  of 
the  opposing  counsel. 

85 


v 


\ 


* 


%. 


^ 


'♦ 


«3*' 


xS 


^APH 

CO 

o 
o 

CM 

LO 

Q 
O 

DC 
LU 
Q- 

z 

'2 

-^ 

K 


c 

C^    CL  > 
UJ    ^    O 

I—  .E   t 


c 
0 

0 

_Q 


I  I  I     CO  '-^ 

>-    ^    0 

5    O    O 
00  JD    C 


.# 


'sr 


-^ffO^trj^ 


%>L^ 


\ 


^  \ 


